reflecting the future

I haven’t updated you last days. Je suis très désolé! (I’m so sorry!). Actually, I don’t know why. Maybe because nothing exciting was happening. In fact, last two weeks were kind of weird. The flat became so empty so that I don’t enjoy being there anymore. It makes me feel sad. Moreover, it is so cold there right now. Whenever you wake up in the morning it’s something like 15 degrees. Brrrr! Definitely, I feel like not spending there too much time. The weather is not good anymore either. It’s around 15-20 degree but it rains or it’s windy quite often. I guess I was caught by autumn depression (or rather melancholy, depression is too strong word).

Last weekend, we had conference for new members and as usually I could describe it using words: challenging, hectic, inspiring, motivating, exhausting, enjoying and sometimes annoying. Although last months I was kind of tired of all kinds of AIESEC conferences this time I was much more excited about it. Probably because, it meant that something is happening in my life. I didn’t have to spend all the day in the flat getting mad (that almost happened to me 2 weeks ago – I literally almost got insane!) It was great experience even though language difference kept pissing me off all the times. Conference was of course mostly in English but there were times that everyone spoke French (I don’t mind that at all because it was chance for me to practice my French and actually I realized that I can understand more and more). The problem is when people speak Arabic (of course not during the sessions but during breaks, meals etc). It’s really annoying but at least I realized that it was not that bad as during my first Moroccan conference last June. This time it was way better. And the new members are really motivated, smart and cool so the future of AIESEC in Morocco looks promising (not to mention how proud I am of LC Anfa (I’m their coach) – they really rocked the conference :) )

I used last days (weeks) to reflect about the future as well. In fact, I think that’s one of my problems. Thinking too much about the future instead of letting some things just happen and go their way – “come what may”. But I do my best not to do it too much – that’s when it comes to my private life. In terms of professional life thinking should be in place periodically (not every day of course – I would get mad).

The good thing is that I’m sure that whatever choice I’ll make about the future that is going to be a good choice. Either coming back to Poland and finishing my studies plus working at the same time or going for internship and finishing studies at the same time (but in different mode) or staying in AIESEC and finishing studies at the same time. All the choices seem good for my professional development. So why the hell is it so difficult to make the final decision? At the moment all the doors are still open but the choice must be made soon. For now, I’m the most keen on the second option. Sometimes, I just think it’s the high time for me to “settle down”, find a job, home, start earning money and get the “real life”. The factor convincing me to go for the second option is also the result of my “unwritten analysis of my life”. I asked myself once when was the time that I was the most happy during the last years of my life. It turned out that this period was my stay in Poznan (a very charming city in Poland) last year. I had a really cool internship and I lived there for 10 weeks during summer. I had a cool job, a lot of free time during which I was exploring the city or sitting at the benches in parks or squares and reading books, partying or hanging out with people. I had the mystical and magical work-life balance. Studies plus AIESEC plus some part time jobs deprive you of this balance.

Moreover, to my huge surprise I’ve recently realized that I don’t need to live in a few countries of the world and explore each of them anymore. For now, I want the next country that I will live in to be the last one. Of course, I will still be traveling but I think I don’t want to live anywhere else for long – these will be just holidays or business trips (maybe except for a few months in New York ). Maybe, I’m changing , maybe it’s just the mood recently. We’ll see soon.