all our lives looking for something

Recently, I’ve been watching a lot of my definitely favorite TV show – "Sex and the City". It’s just fabulous, so real and full of life wisdoms. In one of the episodes, Carrie said that “in New York City you always look for a new job, an apartment or a relationship”. I looked at my life and discovered that it’s not only in NYC. The same happens in Rabat, Morocco. In my life.

A perfect apartment – we’d been looking for a new apartment for couple of weeks. The whole process started to be very stressful last week. Some friendships were faced to challenges. Although its end was a bit sad and not as I expected it to be we can say that all the negative emotions and effects were sooner or later avoided. And then, I finally found a new apartment (only yesterday). I will share it with one Moroccan (a nice guy that I already know). The flat is cool although not perfect – it would be much better with a normal toilet and not a Turkish one but I think I will survive :) The neighborhood is not my dream one but I will have my own room and the MC office is in a walking distance. I will move there this week. So for now, this process is over. However, I will leave Morocco in around 5 months (or a bit less) and I will have to go through it again…

A perfect job – until around two weeks ago I still had doubts what to do with my future. Another AIESEC position (MCP somewhere) or an internship? Most of the people in my shoes would choose AIESEC. I chose internship. I did some analysis of pros and cons of both options vs. my long and short term goals. It occurred to me that internship will realize them better. These were not only professional goals. Thanks to internship, I will earn more money, have more free time for simple things like traveling, meeting friends, learning languages or going for dancing classes (I’ve been having salsa for around one month now and it’s just so extremely great that I can’t describe it. I enjoy it so much!).

I have recently discovered that for the past 4-5 years I’ve been investing a lot in myself and resigning from many other things. One of my assumptions for the period of my studies was that my activities should first of all bring me knowledge and experience. Money was on the second place. That’s why I went to Morocco and not to UK or Ireland. I preferred to develop myself instead of earning big money because I knew it would be better for my future. Applying for another year in AIESEC would mean continuing this assumption. And I figured out that now it’s time to capitalize on my experience that I have been gaining throughout the past years. And gain new experiences too (but other kind of them). Now, it will be much easier to have better money and a great job at the same time. And it’s something that I do need right now.

But! Before I get the perfect job I will have to go through the awful process of applying for different companies, being interviewed etc. I really hate it. Today, I had my first interview. I didn’t know how it went. Logically thinking, it seemed ok but I don’t feel satisfied right now. Maybe because I hate phone interviews. Last year and two years ago, the process took really much of time. It was long, hard, exhausting. But in both cases, I eventually got what I wanted and always the final outcome seemed perfect (in 2006 getting NST position and a great internship in Poznan, in 2007 going to Morocco). That’s what keeps me positive. Sooner or later I got what I wanted.

A perfect relationship – hard to asses how far I am from achieving it. I don’t have to much data. I suppose I should just have the attitude of “come what may”.

So summarizing – I have an apartment (not a perfect one and only for the next few months but still I have it), I have a job and I’m looking for another one and I don’t have a relationship. The summary doesn’t seem positive. I shouldn’t be pessimistic though – sooner or later I’ll get what I want :)

And besides doing our best to have it all there is nothing but believing that it will happen exactly as we see it!

War of the Worlds??

Undoubtedly, international experience is also about challenging one's worldview and breaking stereotypes and prejudices. You have different opinion on certain things in comparison how you perceived them before.

As we all know in today's world there is this concept of the conflict between Western and Arab world. There is supposed to be a lot of tensions especially after 2001 terrorists attacks. There is always a lot of breaking news about war in Iraq, Israeli-Palestinian conflict, Iran nuclear programme and new terrorist attacks... It is said that Muslims perceive Westerners as infidel and they want to convert them into Islam.

First of all, I would like to point that there is no more misleading expression than "the Arab World". The only thing in common that all the countries (spread all over the globe between Morocco and Indonesia) have is the religion. They are all so different from each other that it's hard for them to fall under one definition. Secondly, sometimes I believe that there is more tensions between Arab countries themselves than between some Western countries and some Arab countries. I heard many times how e.g. some Moroccans don't like Algerians, how some Tunisians don't like Libyans or how some Egyptians don't like Arabs from the Gulf etc. Even if it's not about hating each other it's just telling silly jokes offending other Arabs. I can give you more examples.

What shocked me the most recently is the fact that Moroccans (I bet it's very similar in other Muslim countries) often show more respect to Westerners than to other Arabs. And at this moment when you compare the statement in the previous sentence with alleged Arab-Western conflict you have two totally opposite opinions and points of view. For me this is unbelievable and I only think that the notion of this "two worlds" conflict mostly exists in some minds of a SMALL bunch of crazy extremists-terrorists and in the minds of MOST of the Westerners. Should I risk saying the opinion that a few terrorists (that constitute to a very small per cent of the total population of the Muslim countries) made most of us, Westerners believe that Arabs hate us? I more and more think how wrong we are in perception of Arab-Western relations. It's not the first time that I realize that the news coming from the TV really show only the dark side of today's world.

I'll tell you a shocking example. Last week, two of my friends (of Egyptian and Moroccan nationality) were coming back from a pub at night by taxi. The taxi was stopped by an apparently drunk Moroccan policeman. He asked for documents but none of them had anything. When the Egyptian girl told him that she didn't have the passport at first he didn't want to believe that she was not Moroccan and he was pissed of that she was speaking French and not Darija (the Moroccan dialect of Arabic). Later, when he realized this he started offending her, swearing and saying really nasty stuff about Egypt. I was supposed to be with them but at the last minute I decided not to go for the party. Later, I was said that probably if I had been there, the policeman might have been nicer seeing a foreigner (a Westerner).

This story and all my thoughts seem only to make me realize how wrong we are in the Western countries and how much we don't understand the people and the reality here.

Once a few years ago, I heard a really unjust statement saying that not all the Muslims are terrorists but all the terrorists are Muslims. At first I almost agreed but later I started to think about it. What about the terrorists fighting in the Northern Ireland? What about guerrillas in Colombia? What about terrorists in Basque region in Spain? The base of the terrorism does not necessarily have to be the religion. In XIX century when Poland was divided by the three empires (Russian, German and Austrian) one Polish man assassinated the Russian Emperor Aleksander II. Of course he was perceived by many as a hero. But to be honest - what distinguishes him from a terrorist of the presence?

I'm still impressed and it's so unbelievable to me how hard your worldview may be challenged when you live abroad. We always say that it often happens but only when it does we start feeling that really deeply and then we realize the power of international experience.

Sunday in El Jadida

It had been my first sightseeing/tourist trip since September. It's been way too much time. Luckily, I managed to see France, Spain and Portugal in the meantime. But besides that I was only in Rabat or Casa. So about week earlier I decided to move my ass from Rabat and start filling my must-see list of places in Morocco. I told all my friends here that I was planning to go to El Jadida the next Sunday. I would do it with them or alone. It didn't matter to me. I just needed a change of the environment and air. And I ended up there with my dear Mona (ex flat mate). We had a really great time.

El Jadida is a small city at the seaside around 2h by train from Casa and 3h from Rabat. It used to be inhabited (and built as well I suppose) by the Portuguese in XV-XVII centuries. Then they were kicked out by Arabs but the influences have luckily remained. Even the names of the streets in the oldest parts are still written in Portuguese.

We took the morning train at 9 am and arrived in El Jadida before the noon (too lazy to take the 7 am one :). The first view of the city was not impressive though. Just an ordinary Arab city. Nice but nothing special. Then we went to the old Portuguese fortress that was really cool. Afterwards, we took a bus and went to the summer resort called Sidi Bouzik. The beach was beautiful. Along it a lot of gorgeous villas - most of them empty which means that they are only rented by tourists in the summer. Now, I have an idea what I will do when I feel like spending a lot of money and having a lazy summer :) Then we took a cab and came back to the train station to catch the last train. We were so hungry so we were there an hour before to take our time and have some food. There was only one "restaurant" at the train station and they had only one pack of crisps... Since the train station is in the middle of nowhere we had to walk a while and admire these views until we reached a shop where we bought loads of food paying only 20 dirhams (less than 2 euro). I ate half of it on the way back to the train station :)

ahhh, that was a cool trip and I'm already thinking of the next one ;)

people - part cinq (and places)

As I wrote once, I guess I don't feel like getting to knows other cultures very deeply. Especially by living in other countries for longer. I want my next country after Morocco to be the last one where I will settle down.

I mean it's cool experience when you live abroad, work, travel, enjoy, learn, teach, develop and most of all meet great people. But what's the purpose of gaining all these stuff if you will never see 90% of people that you meet... Can't you gain the same experience being in one place of the world? That should be enough, shouldn't it? What's the matter of growing if you grow for yourself only. It's cool to spend some months abroad (it really develops you) but what's the purpose of moving from one place to another and seeking for no one knows what? Isn't too egoistic? Towards your family, friends or for THIS ONE - they all want to have you there with them. You just lose contact with some people.

It's true that by living abroad you happen to meet lots of amazing people - I've been experiencing that for more than 7 months here in Rabat. You easily establish a connection with newly met people. But how often is it a real deep connection? How much time do you need to transform it into a real friendship? How often is the connection really shallow? With how many of these people will you stay in touch? On how many of these people you can truly count? In such case, I guess living all the life in one place is much more convenient. You have more chances to stay in touch with the people and really take care of the relations. Relations are like plants. You stop taking care of them and they die. Staying in one place makes it more probable to handle them more successfully.

Sometimes, I'm tired with being citizen of the world. Sometimes, I would like to become citizen of one country or of one certain city. Not moving my ass from the same place too often, having all the services, entertainment and of course the most important people - everything in one place all the time. Leaving it from time to time for a short trip somewhere outside. Enjoying the trip, but being a bastard ignorant towards visited places and all the time being more than sure that there is no better place to live than your home.

Is it really about experience only? Shouldn't it be about the people too? I truly believe you can balance it and that's what my life is about... I have the faith I can do it. I have the faith in myself... in meeting these people... that person in that one place...

Sometimes, it is said that through living abroad you have the time of your life. You work, travel, enjoy and thanks to this you meet a lot of people. You can have friends all over the world. Yeah... are they really all your friends? So why do we sometimes feel lonely? Why do I feel so right now?

Maybe, these conclusions are the result of the fact that I've recently been in the low/hate stage of my stay here. Maybe I'm getting older. Maybe I want the stability. Maybe all of that.

Anyway, international experience is great - it makes you learn about the world, about the other countries, about the other people and... about you and your country a lot (since you look at yourself with different perspective). But once you acquire all these things you're done with it. You don't need anymore international experience. So just finish it. Pick the most glamorous moment to finish certain things in the best way possible in order to keep them in your memory shining and glowing.

Bonne Année 1429

Today (or tomorrow - I'm not sure and neither anyone here in Morocco since it depends on the moon) is the first day of the Islamic New Year. Welcome in the year 1429! If you feel your NY's resolutions are not going fine you have another chance to reset them :)

Unfortunately, it's not celebrated here almost at all. And neither was 2008 celebrated. 2008 is not celebrated because it's not the Islamic feast and 1429 is not celebrated because the Islamic calendar is not used in practice :) So no New Year craziness at all :( Luckily, my NY's Eve was really cool and crazy. Just see the pic below!



What's more most of the people here doesn't know which year is about to start. Anyway, I've checked that.

Happy New Year 1429!

mi intuición

My MC team (=my co workers in Morocco) doesn't have an easy life with me. When I start liking a song I can listen to it the whole day a few days in a row (everywhere I have my laptop turned on). Now, I have Shakira in the air! I've recently discovered "las de la intuicion".



Then I was thinking that people always put songs that transmit some message about their lives etc And I just put some random songs that I like at the very moment. However, I started to think about intuition and figured out that my intuition had recently been working very well in my private life. It told me a few things that later appeared very significant. No one around me told me the same. So voila! We have a song with a message. Intuition connects this song and my life. Such a crappy and weak connection :) I guess first you have to find a song and then you're inspired by its message that seems to be so applicable to your life. hehe In my case, I found the song first and later was thinking deeply which message I should attach... bla bla bla :D
Don't read these bullshits and just listen to Shakira. And the videoclip is a masterpiece of art! The way she is singing, the way she is dressed and finally the way she is dancing! AWESOME! If I only were.... I would fall in love :D

But for now I'm only in love with myself! My vanity is deeply growing which made me take some pictures of myself yesterday :)

Enjoy Shakira and new me :)

internationally

Just after I left Madrid last time I realized how "internationalized" my life is. It happened after I read the police document reporting my stolen wallet.

A Polish guy was traveling from Morocco to Portugal through Spain and he lost his wallet with 40 something euro, around 1000 Moroccan dirhams (no polish zlotys! - the police officer seemed surprised why the guy didn't have his national currency), identity card, driving license, university library card, credit card, 7 blank tickets of Parisian metro, 1 used ticket of Bucharest metro, a photo of a friend currently living in Ecuador.

I didn't report all that stuff but I know that it was inside. Things connected with 7 countries. Why do I complain about my life (see the previous post)? It's so excitingly international.

I've been feeling much better since Sunday but I decided to publish that post anyway (I started writing it last Friday I guess) to show you dark sides of international experience too.

me, myself and I

Dear expats around the world who are my friends and who have blogs like mine!

Whenever I read your posts you almost always seem so happy to live your international experience. You barely write about negative challenges! And I think I'm going to break this trend. I will make this blog more interesting and write that sometimes (recently often) I feel bad or even depressed.

So I am admitting that I don't feel really ok here. Recently almost at all... It's been lasting more or less since my I came back from France. It's hard to tell what is exactly the reason for that... Possibly the lack of money that I encounter everyday. Little incomes and no support from family whatsoever - they even didn't want to borrow me money or they could only do it under the conditions that I don't want to fulfill. It's so upsetting when you have more support from friends than family but I think it's often a Polish thing - in the mentality of my nationality (will blog about it soon too!). My daily budget is 4euro (if I spend more I will not have money at the end of the month). It's mostly because of the fact that I was robbed in Madrid. I even don't have access to my bank account because my credit card was stolen. Anyway, I have huge debt on my bank account so maybe it's better than the access is limited. I have friends who want to borrow me money but I even don't know when I could give it back. I still want to have some trips within Morocco (i.e. desert trip) but I don't think I will be able to afford it. Today, I got so pissed off when I had to walk in the heavy rain and wind on my way to my office. I couldn't afford taking a cab (2euro) but just a bus and I had to walk around 15 minutes in the rain to reach the bus stop. Annoying and so awful.

Another thing may be my apartment that is so cold, sad and empty. Now, there is not even the Internet connection (we don't have money to pay the bill and it was recently cut...). My job kind of doesn't satisfy me or I can't focus on it properly. I mean I do my duties but less passionately than usually...

The city (Rabat) seems so boring (or I don't have money to fully enjoy it).

All these things make me so fluffy recently. I can't properly work, I don't enjoy it. Cultural shocks? Depression stage after months of amazing excitement? Call it whatever you want.

I just feel like having no goal in my life. Last 4 years of my studies is Poland I was kind of workaholic. AIESEC, studies, part-time jobs, internships. Little time for myself. Sometimes I was tired but I always was happy that things were going in my life. Whenever I had a few free days in my life I got the same feelings like now because of no stuff to do. I missed things happening. Right now, I feel as this period has been for too long and I can't see a day when it's gone... :( I have already made some steps in order to get out of this situation (I may start teaching English in the evenings to get some money and I will start free salsa classes). But for now, I feel bad all the time. I can't enjoy anything or even if I do bad mood comes back quickly.

I've had a very interesting conversation recently with my friend who is on her internship in Spain recently. She has been going through tough period lately too. We both listed all the things that pissed us off. The question is... which of these things are really responsible for our bad moods. Which of the things are just result of another annoying thing and the themselves they are not that bad but only because of THIS ONE negative thing others seems problematic too. I don't seem to enjoy job, culture, my flat or anything. I don't have money either. But maybe the problem is money only? The lack of money doesn't allow me to fully enjoy other aspects of my stay here (job, travels, culture etc). You got my point? I'm just trying to determine what lies on the bottom of my state. So that in my next country I will be able to fully take the most of my time there.

During the last weekend I also hosted one of our trainees from Casa and her Polish friend. They both met when they had their 7-month internships in India. Dorota (the Polish girl) told me that she also had gone through a crisis stage when she had been fed up with everything. She hated India and she wanted to go back to Poland. The stage passed away and she was leaving India with unbelievable experiences and nostalgia. She really believes that I am in the same stage right now and that it's normal to go through it and it finishes eventually.

I hope that the money is the real problem. Actually, it is normally nothing very much serious. It can be solved easily in my opinion. There can be worse things than this.

So let's just move our asses, stop complaining, start doing things that make us feel better and wait for the betterment.

Bienvenida a Madrid - part deux

I will go to Madrid again. I have chosen this city because it's the cheapest one to reach from Morocco (see below, I paid only 42,67 euro for the round trip including all the taxes). I know it's also beautiful (if I could I would go to Barcelona but it's more expensive to get there and as you know I'm broke - I will go there another time).

I hope that this time I won't be robbed and I will see more than metro and a police office :)

Bienvenida a Madrid!