Last week I went to Poland. Of course there was some drama involved. This time not because of the sole fact of going to Poland but rather because of the reason of going there – my exams. Just a quick update – I am still technically a student in Poland and I should attend the classes of my fifth year but as you know I work in Belgium. By October, I had set all my exams and got all the necessary agreements enabling me to work abroad and study in Poland. Nevertheless, I had the same obligations like students in Poland – passing exams like everyone else (or even worse – passing some additional exams due to my permanent absence). Because of all of that I was pretty stressed before going to Poland and not sure whether I would pass them and whether the decision not to finish my studies in a ‘traditional’ way was right.
The fact of being a student in Poland and especially feeling like one right after arriving there made me feel as if I had travelled to the past. There were more signs of the past – being at home again and living with my parents, meeting up with some people deep, deep from my childhood or teenage hood or even traveling by bus from my home town to Sopot where I study. A few times I listened to people talking on the buses or trains and realized I lived and worked in a different reality and I had totally different values in my life – they were more into settling down, living in one place, doing the same job or not going out and socializing too often which was also the case for many of my friends back in Poland. I often noticed how frustrated they were with their jobs and they usually didn’t enjoy working with their colleagues. I would have serious troubles in readjusting to Polish reality if I had to move back to my country. This time I did not have any significant cultural shocks... or maybe I did? - isn't what I am describing above a cultural shock? For sure, I didn't feel annoyed because I had to stay there for one week only and I rather felt like a tourist than an inhabitant or a resident (in this case, feeling like a tourist was not that bad). I knew I would head back to my current life in Brussels within a few days. And so it happened. Before that, I passed my exams, I caught up with a lot of old friends (time goes by but people stay), spent some time with my family and due to the fact of staying at my parents’ place (and some other factors too) I even managed to save some money.
All in all, it was a bit stressful trip but all that I planned was achieved (including a bit of partying and meeting up with people). It was much more ‘peaceful’ trip than last summer and I was more reconciled with the country than the last time which was great. I am happy I had quite good relationship with Poland. And I think it is going to be even better once I am done with my uni for good and no trip will ever be associated with the scary vision of exams period.
And furthermore, who says that trips back to past are bad?!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
what season is that?
Toto, I don't think we are in the good season anymore.
Yes, I have the feeling that good season got a bit swept away. At least for this few weeks of January. It should be back as soon as I [successfully] deal with my university (and I do hope it happens before 24 January and please, keep your fingers crossed for me). Bad mood, not so much socializing, the must of studying, a lot of confusions what to do with my work life...
Too many questions, too few answers...
Yesterday, I actually did go out with Verena. We went to this chic hotel for an event called 'Fashion and Cars'. As much as I like pretentious and arrogant people, this was way too much for me. It was too snobby. People posing to pics as if they were movie stars (maybe they were?), exorbitant prices (I called it 'unhappy hour' or 'miserable hour' when you pay for two and get one), bad service or no cloakroom (!). But the most obnoxious thing was when I saw this blond, silly-looking girl with a small dog (of the ratter breed) under her arm. She would not let the poor creature from her hands even for a while. She would walk around the place all the time with the dog. And the animal was dressed better than some of the people there.
The event was called 'Fashion and Cars' - there was no sign of cars there unfortunately. And the fashion show was highly disappointing too. Yes, there were some cute models and nice clothes. However, there was even no catwalk. The models were walking in a colouir/through the door from the lobby to the resto where most of the people were standing. The entrance was blocked by the show so other people found it hard to leave or get inside. However, some of them did that interrupting 'the show' and then you could not actually tell who was the model and who was not. Oh Brussels... sometimes so exciting but sometimes so embarassing...
Luckily, I was there with Verena and then our two party mates showed up. They are all smart and funny so we had a lot of laugh commenting on the event and making fun mixing it with sarcastic jokes. It was rather a comedy event that fashion and cars show.
At least there was fun. Because fun is important...
Yes, I have the feeling that good season got a bit swept away. At least for this few weeks of January. It should be back as soon as I [successfully] deal with my university (and I do hope it happens before 24 January and please, keep your fingers crossed for me). Bad mood, not so much socializing, the must of studying, a lot of confusions what to do with my work life...
Too many questions, too few answers...
Yesterday, I actually did go out with Verena. We went to this chic hotel for an event called 'Fashion and Cars'. As much as I like pretentious and arrogant people, this was way too much for me. It was too snobby. People posing to pics as if they were movie stars (maybe they were?), exorbitant prices (I called it 'unhappy hour' or 'miserable hour' when you pay for two and get one), bad service or no cloakroom (!). But the most obnoxious thing was when I saw this blond, silly-looking girl with a small dog (of the ratter breed) under her arm. She would not let the poor creature from her hands even for a while. She would walk around the place all the time with the dog. And the animal was dressed better than some of the people there.
The event was called 'Fashion and Cars' - there was no sign of cars there unfortunately. And the fashion show was highly disappointing too. Yes, there were some cute models and nice clothes. However, there was even no catwalk. The models were walking in a colouir/through the door from the lobby to the resto where most of the people were standing. The entrance was blocked by the show so other people found it hard to leave or get inside. However, some of them did that interrupting 'the show' and then you could not actually tell who was the model and who was not. Oh Brussels... sometimes so exciting but sometimes so embarassing...
Luckily, I was there with Verena and then our two party mates showed up. They are all smart and funny so we had a lot of laugh commenting on the event and making fun mixing it with sarcastic jokes. It was rather a comedy event that fashion and cars show.
At least there was fun. Because fun is important...
the law of 'disattraction'
Sorry, for not having been here recently. Just before Christmas I had Ludwika coming for 2 days from Spain and later my habibi came over to spend Christmas and New Year's Eve with me. It was a great period. 1.5 a week off, hanging out in Brussels, Bruges, Antwerp and a great 3-day-trip to Paris. Meeting up with some great friends, having dinners, joggings, great NY's Eve party. Simply amazing time.
And then New Year came and along with it habibi left, the atmosphere disappeared, my flat became very quiet, the amazing light and sound show from Grand Place in Brussels was finsihed, streets got empty and it all just got very sad and dissapointing. Does it always have to be like this in the first days of New Years? After all, it's a New Year and we all should start it positively with right approach and right feelings. Apparently, it does not work for me like this.
I believe the most crucial factor that influenced me and my bad mood in the first days of the year was the fact that I had to start studying for my exams. To those that forgot (including me I suppose) I am still a student even though I have a full time job in Brussels. I am on my fifth year. My thesis is already written but I just have to review and correct it and moreover I have some few exams to pass. The projected graduation date should be somewhere around June and please, kick me hard if it is not going to be the case. All of the sudden, after successful more than three months of explaining to all of my professors I would not be attending the classes and fixing the dates and conditions of my exams, I got scared. The last time I went to a class was in May 2007. And now after almost 2 years I need to write exams. I lost the habitude, I lost the feeling of being a student (had I ever had it before?) - I exchanged the current semester of studies into one week of exams preceded by just a few days of studying. I just want to get it over with. Rationally speaking (and this is also what everyone keeps telling me), I should not have any problems with my exams within these few days. So why do I get scared? Why did I panic? Why don't I want to go to Poland?
And we reach here another interesting point. Again, I am going to Poland (17-24 January 2009) in some weird and unpleasent circumstances. Not only my studies but also some weird situation with my family. It is the second time I go to Poland since I do not live there permanently and it is going to be bizarre again. Last time I went there, it was when I left Morocco and you all heard enough of that so I will not repeat it here. One more time, because of all those negative conditions I do not feel comfortable with going to my own country. I wish I could be after this trip now. I associate all my visits to Poland with dealing with this strange stuff and thus I keep atributing it to my country which does no good to my relationship with Poland.
I do not want to go there. Will I always feel like this? Or is it just now? Maybe once I am done with my studies I will be able to just go there, relax, catch up with family and friends? I do hope so.
They say that once you travel a lot abroad and then come back to country you should realize that there is no better place to live than your Motherland. Shame to admit but it was different for me. I had never before [consciously] found Poland ugly or unpleasent to live. I had never wanted to live abroad permanently. Just before I went to Morocco I initially planned to return to Poland and live there for good. Once I got outside the country I liked living abroad so much that I believe I will never feel like returning. And that is acceptable - but why do I have to dislike it so strongly? Because of all the negative aspects that I will have there soon or had when coming back from Morocco (dealing with studies after fabulous year of living abroad, some health problems I had, a death of a close member of family, living back with parents and having shitty and frustrating job, lack of international aspects etc)?
Or maybe - and even though it is hard to admit that I will do it - because there is not much things (and people?) there that I need to have in my life... at least on a regular basis. I hope it is not the right answer...
And then New Year came and along with it habibi left, the atmosphere disappeared, my flat became very quiet, the amazing light and sound show from Grand Place in Brussels was finsihed, streets got empty and it all just got very sad and dissapointing. Does it always have to be like this in the first days of New Years? After all, it's a New Year and we all should start it positively with right approach and right feelings. Apparently, it does not work for me like this.
I believe the most crucial factor that influenced me and my bad mood in the first days of the year was the fact that I had to start studying for my exams. To those that forgot (including me I suppose) I am still a student even though I have a full time job in Brussels. I am on my fifth year. My thesis is already written but I just have to review and correct it and moreover I have some few exams to pass. The projected graduation date should be somewhere around June and please, kick me hard if it is not going to be the case. All of the sudden, after successful more than three months of explaining to all of my professors I would not be attending the classes and fixing the dates and conditions of my exams, I got scared. The last time I went to a class was in May 2007. And now after almost 2 years I need to write exams. I lost the habitude, I lost the feeling of being a student (had I ever had it before?) - I exchanged the current semester of studies into one week of exams preceded by just a few days of studying. I just want to get it over with. Rationally speaking (and this is also what everyone keeps telling me), I should not have any problems with my exams within these few days. So why do I get scared? Why did I panic? Why don't I want to go to Poland?
And we reach here another interesting point. Again, I am going to Poland (17-24 January 2009) in some weird and unpleasent circumstances. Not only my studies but also some weird situation with my family. It is the second time I go to Poland since I do not live there permanently and it is going to be bizarre again. Last time I went there, it was when I left Morocco and you all heard enough of that so I will not repeat it here. One more time, because of all those negative conditions I do not feel comfortable with going to my own country. I wish I could be after this trip now. I associate all my visits to Poland with dealing with this strange stuff and thus I keep atributing it to my country which does no good to my relationship with Poland.
I do not want to go there. Will I always feel like this? Or is it just now? Maybe once I am done with my studies I will be able to just go there, relax, catch up with family and friends? I do hope so.
They say that once you travel a lot abroad and then come back to country you should realize that there is no better place to live than your Motherland. Shame to admit but it was different for me. I had never before [consciously] found Poland ugly or unpleasent to live. I had never wanted to live abroad permanently. Just before I went to Morocco I initially planned to return to Poland and live there for good. Once I got outside the country I liked living abroad so much that I believe I will never feel like returning. And that is acceptable - but why do I have to dislike it so strongly? Because of all the negative aspects that I will have there soon or had when coming back from Morocco (dealing with studies after fabulous year of living abroad, some health problems I had, a death of a close member of family, living back with parents and having shitty and frustrating job, lack of international aspects etc)?
Or maybe - and even though it is hard to admit that I will do it - because there is not much things (and people?) there that I need to have in my life... at least on a regular basis. I hope it is not the right answer...
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