'cause our paths will cross eventually...

One of very controversial things concerning living as an expat is meeting people and not being able to stay in touch with them when you do not live in one place with them anymore. It is often said that they are not your real friends as you cannot maintain a friendship without seeing each other regularly. Of course you can meet them up from time to time but it is not that easy. The worst thing is to say goodbye to your friends when you know you will probably never live in the same place with them anymore. But the great thing is that as you all are expats sooner or later your paths will cross somewhere in the world. By chance.

That is the way, last Monday, I ended up having a drink in an Irish pub 'the Wild Goose' with my Greek friend Eugenia. I met her in 2004 when she was doing her internship in Poland and I was on the second year of my studies. We ended up living in the same dormitory for a few weeks. We had nice time going out together or watching the episodes of South Park on my computer. Then she left and we had contact from time to time but not very often. Then a few weeks ago on MSN we both realized that we had been living in the same country. So we decided to meet up and old bonds were renewed.

Luckily, the Internet enabled us to stay in touch and figure out that we were in the same countries. 

And maybe you have to face tough moments while saying good bye to your friends. But you will meet them eventually. If you really want it.

Maybe life as an expat is not always easy. But it is definitely exciting. It is fabulous. And you feel you really live your life.

'I'm in a Brussel state of mind' - part deux

I believe I have managed to reach a very interesting state of my life. I do not know how others would feel about it but I think it is really great. I have all the stable and seemingly sort of boring aspects of my life - good job, social insurances, a car, reasonable salary, a nice place to live etc etc. On the other hand, I believe I have NOT boringly settled down into this convenient life. I manage to travel a lot (last month Paris and Istanbul, this month Marseille and soon Paris, Amsterdam and who knows what more will come, next month Spain / Portugal and Poland; and the list can only be longer). I meet great people, go to fabulous parties, I do not live in the suburbs and I don't buy furniture in the IKEA.

Is it a moment of your life when you have all those great things? Or can you live your life like this always? Will this great balance end and your life will be dominated by one side which will not be that great anymore. Just exciting things but no stability? Or just boring, stable things and no random fun? Can we have it all? All the time? Is it only up to us? Am I just lucky to have achieved that? Or am I just lucky because the destiny is favorable to me?

Yesterday, I was walking Verena to the metro station after wine and pizza party for two when suddenly, we ended up talking how much we loved our lives in Brussels. And today she added that she had to take pictures before she would leave. The pics of La Bourse, Grand Place or Parc du Cinquantenaire. And even the pics of the metro... I bet you remember how I (and so did she) bitched about our lives here. Boy, oh boy! Things change...

Is it the beginning of happiness or is just the moment?

Or maybe I should just shut the fuck up and start enjoying it. The moment that is now. Right now.

'I am in Bruxelles state of mind'

‘In the city of great expectations - is it time to settle for what you can get?’

That was said about New York and one should not even dare to compare Brussels to NYC.

Still, it is definitely getting better here for me. It is a new season – a very good one. Finally, there is the good mix – the mix of places and people.

After fabulous reunions with my friends met in Morocco I was left alone by them as they all headed to their countries all over Europe and Northern Africa. Luckily I still have Verena – my friend met in Morocco who was there for 2 months of the summer 2007 and then left back home. Our friendship continued in Madrid (where she did her Erasmus semester) and in Rabat again (where she visited me last May). Then, luckily and totally by chance, we both got jobs / internships in Brussels as of September 2008. She was (and still is) my most important contact of Brussels. We both went through the same process of the initial disappointment of our lives in the capital of Europe and further exploration of the city and its people which resulted in some more exciting life-styles.

Wednesday, 19 Nov - we went to a newly found supposedly hot spot of Brussels – Red line – a lounge bar that hosted the Kitchen of Soul party. Promoted as ‘1 event and 5 discoveries’ (live concert, exhibition, tribute to genius of music, gastronomy, travel in the past) it didn’t actually enable me to discover most of them. Maybe I left too early because of disappointment and was not patient enough to wait longer. Luckily, I was accompanied by right people and thus not bored there. You can have fun anywhere even if the atmosphere is not encouraging. I guess this was the rule of Rabat – although it’s a nice place to live if you don’t know the right people you might be bored really quickly. As you might guess it was not the case for me.

Thursday, 20 Nov. Back in Havana – happy hour and you can drink for two but pay for one. My stomach and liver would strongly disagree. Of course they had nothing to say (actually they were pretty annoyed but it was only on the day after). Havana – a mix of right people in the right place. Something I really need on Thursday night (everyday?). I met Verena and Ronny (who is the most fabulous and classy straight guy I had ever met) and danced with some random gals. And I also had a nice conversation with this Kenyan woman working for the Kenyan embassy in Belgium (did I mention I have a soft spot for diplomats?). Crazy party during the week.

I left around 11.30 PM and before heading for metro and while being a bit dizzy I sat on the concrete fence near Palais de Justice just near the elevator. You can have a nice view of Brussels from this place and so I enjoyed it and thought about the city while having a conversation with it. It is another average and undervalued city (and I understand why it’s undervalued) where I ended up living. It is not very big and said to be boring. Despite that I discovered a lot and now I am living a fabulous life here. How did that happen? I guess I got the answer some months ago from my friend Stephanie (whom I will visit in Aix-en Provence near Marseille this weekend) but during my first days in Brussels I thought she had been wrong. She was not. She told me once that whenever she had gone abroad she had always hanged out with the same kind of people. ‘This is the law of attraction, my dear’ she said ‘even if you don’t believe in it; we always attract the same kind of people as we are always ourselves no matter where in the world we are thrown to’. Now, I think I have finally attracted the same species of people here.

Thursday, 27 Nov – the aforementioned theory just got confirmed. I went to Mirano - a club placed in an old theatre, located there since no one remembers when and being one of the most hard-to-get places of the whole Brussels. A few days before I called Verena and told her we were going to Mirano. When I showed up at the door, gave my name and went through a thrilling and seemingly never-ending moment of waiting for Kamil W. to be found on the list, I entered let inside by a cliché couple – a handsome and big, I-go-to-the-gym-everyday guy with almost no neck and cute blond after him. I immediately found Verena at the bar with her two friends (one was the glass of wine and the other was her work mate). There was a band playing on the stage but it just reminded me of concerts and my fear of crowds so we just stayed at the bar. After the concert, we decided to explore Mirano and walk around through the different floors and staircases to see what people were up to. Minute by minute, hour by hour, we would bump into all the people that you should know in Brussels and I was lucky to know from before. Why to know them? Because, they are smart, cute, intelligent and funny party animals – the most fab mix I always look for. Why did we bump into them? Because we are the same, we have connection and we go to the same places. At the beginning the music was not as good as in Havana but the party was great anyway.

Friday, 28 Nov – after a surprisingly not boring dinner with my work mates on the late evening of Friday, I immediately headed home, changed and went to the centre where around midnight I met some of my friends. After leaving our favourite PP café because of some crazy people spilling beers on each other and breaking glasses while dancing, we decided that we were not going to start hating PP. It has a great design, atmosphere and every Sunday evening there is a cool guy playing piano. That was just a bad night and some assholes around. So Magda and I went ‘chez Richard’ à la Place du Grand Sablon. It turned out to be a spot with amazing world hits of 70s and 80s and some great French music – the latter not known to me at all but totally awesome. The average age of the people was surely more than 40. Yet, all those people were having great fun. I guess I wasn’t as crazy as them while dancing. I immediately admitted to Magda I would like to look like them in my 40s or 50s – forty, fifty and fabulous. Another important notice to mention – most of them was Belgians. Few expats involved. It kind of felt really good to plunge into the ‘local’ environment and take a break from expats’ community. Definitely, it is a place to be revisited and a party to be repeated.

Saturday, 29 Nov – again 70s and 80s party (I guess my friend was right when she referred to me as a person with no presence but just with the past and the future). It was held in Autoworld museum in the hearth of the Parc du Cinquantenaire / Jubelpark. It’s the park with the huge and impressive gate built in 1905 to commemorate the 75th anniversary of the independence of Belgium. There is a tunnel just under the park and part of it is exposed but fenced from the park by a high hedge. There are two holes cut off the hedge and when you look down you can see the four lanes of the underground highway and the cars passing. You can be in the park and enjoy the nature but still feel you are in a city – sounds like a perfect mix for me. As I have already mentioned the party took place in the Autoworld which is an automobile museum in the fancy warehouse on the right wing of the building (that also includes the gate) within the park. The warehouse is massive, having a high glass and steel roof. The space is filled with some old cars and you can look at them through a huge window while being in the Autoworld club and enjoying a glass of gin avec tonic. Upon leaving the party you go through the gate, pass the exposed tunnel, the park and just admire the picturesque views of the melanges between the nature and the human-constructed facilities. A perfect come-back home from a great party.

So I guess I re-established the kind of life I had in Morocco. I attracted great people and found fabulous places. I am wondering what more I could expect. Or maybe don’t expect anything and just live it the way it is.

And the most important conclusion - I know I will have a fabulous life in more places of the world than I can even think of. Because it's not only about the places - this is mostly about me.

Life is a party, isn’t it?

absolutely fabulous

Isn't it fun?
A perfect tune for any party? ABBA never dies.
The song is older than I. And I love it.
So now, I know why I love hanging out with older people.
Can I draw a parallel?

Ifrane, Morocco - this morning

exclusive copyright - Houssam  

merci à Houssam!

life is a Monthy Python movie

Do we (or maybe it's just me) always miss the places where we are not at the moment of thinking? If not always then at least most of the times? Are we unhappy to be where we are right now and always miss the past or look forward to the future? Even if the past was not that good and the prospects of the future are not either? I was already described by someone to be 'a man with no presence - just with the past and future'.

'Yeah...things are slowly coming together. I got the washing machine last night but the refrigerator they were supposed to give me smelled like a dead animal so I am thinking about just buying a small used one for myself.'

When I read what my habibi wrote me about his recent flat experience I got nostalgic. I kind of miss this ridiculousity of the Third World countries. The shitty services you have there sometimes make you totally pissed off but sometimes when you are simply helpless you just can't stop laughing and you wonder that you must have missed the moment when world became so surreal and ridiculous. In my second flat in Rabat in the quartier called Hay Nahda II (mentioned here http://kamil-in-morocco.blogspot.com/2008/02/experienced-restarted.html), I went through the most crazy flat experience. First of all, the flat was in a totally poor and 'wild' part of the city where many Moroccan that I know never even went. I was pretty scared to live there having heard weird stories before moving in but later it turned out to be really cool. I had connection with local people in the shops and it was fun. But the flat itself was the most fun part. One thing was the cockroaches. They were everywhere and firstly I was disgusted to live with them but then the killing part became hilarious and I felt as if in a computer game. Once on the kitchen shelve filled with glasses I saw a mid-size cockroach moving quickly from one end to another. It looked hilarious when you could see it ten times bigger through the glass of the glasses that he was passing one by one. It was like in a Hitchcock movie. The other thing was the shower. When we finally managed to install the gas heater and a gas bottle we discovered that there was a problem with the pipes. When you showered there was only the cold water coming from the shower receiver. When you opened the hot stream the water was indeed coming but from some other whole down in the wall which turned out to be the end of some other random pipe. You had to bend on your knees to get a bit of this hot stream but still only the cold water was coming from the main stream. By chance, I discovered that if you closed the down hole the water would magically run from where it was supposed to run. But as the stream was pretty strong you could not easily stick it right away. So what we were doing for the first few days was showering and standing on one leg while the second one was bended and the foot was leaned against the wall to stop the stream from running from the whole. You would look like a hooker standing by the wall or a street lamp. Did I mention the water running from the sink in the hall when it was open in the bathroom?

Another famous story is the fleas’ issue. In my last house in the kasbah the roof terrace door was always open. There was a female cat going inside and outside and eating out our food in the kitchen (usually from the garbage but sometimes she would jump on the table to grab whatever seemed tasty to her). We were almost about to stop that from happening but suddenly the cat gave birth to four little kittens in the closet in the bedroom on the ground floor. We were not cruel to throw the whole cat family away. But later, one of us started to feel really bad. She had some bites on her skin and they were really itchy. We figured out that the cat brought fleas. The kittens were not babies anymore so we decided to throw them all on the terrace and let the mother take them away. She was furious and wouldn’t let us approach them. We waited until the day when she was gone and quickly before her returning we brought the kittens outside. The mother realized that and brought them back on the stairs leading to the roof. She was still furious and wouldn’t let any of us pass her. We couldn’t live in a house threatened by a cat. Again, we waited until she was gone and then threw the kittens away. But there was a problem this time. We couldn’t find one of them. After a while of searching we ended up seeing it in the corner. We were just about to throw the last one away when we saw the mother coming back. Full of fear and screaming insanely ‘faster before she gets in!!!’ we closed the terrace door and put a chair to block it (it looked as if we wanted to prevent a psycho killer from getting to the house). We opened it slightly only to see her waiting for getting inside and tearing us off into pieces. There was no way we would throw the kitten out. Then we saw the mother leaving and going to the open living room roof window to, as we thought, jump inside, went up the stairs and tear us off into pieces. In panic, we screamed again: ‘quickly!! Close the downstairs door to the roof!!’ That’s how we ended up being stuck on the staircase between two doors with no light and a small kitten. The scarier thing than seeing a psycho killer wanting to kill you is when you do not see him but you do know he is somewhere there. We looked through the whole to see whether the cat was still there. She was not but she could have been out of our sight waiting for us to tear us off into pieces. We quickly threw the kitten on the terrace and escaped the stair case. Luckily no one was hurt but it was not that obvious while being trapped there.

My first house was invaded by ants (always) and lizards (from time to time). I remember one night someone spilled some coke on the kitchen table at night and when we woke up we saw the ants lined up around the stain drinking the coke. It was almost a perfect circle made of ants. It looked hilarious. It was the first time (and definitely not the last one) that I thought that maybe it had been ants that invented the circle and not the people. We were sometimes as well visited by lizards. Once we saw one hiding behind the refrigerator. My friend panicked. She said she would not fall asleep knowing a lizard was in the kitchen. So for one hour we were shaking the refrigerator, moving it, putting the broom stick to scare it (and taking pics in the mean time) etc. The lizard finally left. Other lizards would come into the house more in the future but we would never tell my friend about them. At least she could sleep well.

And listen to the story of the red basin. For more than a year of living in Morocco I never had a washing machine so would always have to do the laundry in the basins and buckets (I don’t miss it anymore even though it was sometimes hilarious to do it). So one morning, I took over all the big plastic bathroom vessels to do all my laundry at once. It was ready by the evening and all of them including a red middle-size basin were free. It turned out later that we were having a lot of people over for a dinner. There were not enough pots available. When I entered the kitchen I saw someone preparing the fruit salad in the red basin that had been filled with my socks and underwear the same morning. ‘Excuse me. Should we tell the guests what it was used for a few hours ago?!’ I said. ‘I don’t think so’ the cook replied. I don’t remember anyone complaining about the fruit salad.

In Belgium it's different. It's not always truth what I am going to write now but the services are way better, the flats nicer, there are no basins you can use both in the bathroom and in the kitchen and everything is more sterile and cleaner. You usually have fewer situations like 'smell of dead animals'. Even the huge spiders in my room are not the same as cockroaches, ants, lizards or fleas in Morocco.

Am I totally insane to miss the Moroccan cockroaches? My friend once wrote that she missed the Moroccan fleas once she had left the country. And she was pretty sane. So maybe it's not that bad with me either?

'what happened to fun?'

Am I really cruel and mean to publish this SATC video and find it sort of hilarious?

'This used to be the most exciting city in the world! And now it's just nothing but smoking near a fucking open window!'

I hope I will never have to say that about any city. Otherwise I will be over. O-V-E-R

'live and don't make me die'

I really don't like when people keep telling me: 'yeah, you had the time of your life in Morocco but that is over now and you should appreciate the life you have now. it's not that bad' I agree it's not that bad. But what they usually mean is: 'you can't live like in Morocco all your life. have you seen the movie l'Auberge Espagnol? it cannot be like that all the time. Life is not a constant party under the palm trees'. They are never able to give me a clear answer when I ask them: 'and why not my dear? give me one more legitimate reason why I cannot live the way I like and want!'

I have to admit that I had more parties during my one year in Morocco than during my twenty three years of life in Poland before. But my life was not a constant party. It did look like 'l'Auberge Espagnol' but only in the first two seasons. Later, it was even more fabulous than this movie. I don't understand why some people think that it's ok to have one great experience in your life but later settle for something stable and predictable and live like that for the rest of their lives. To have 'a normal life'. Whatever they mean by normal.

I disagree.

As soon as I feel I am bored with Belgium I will just move to some Thirld World country, get a good job there and will be partying under the palm trees in my free time. It will take a while to move and find a job but I will eventually do that.

Once I had a facebook conversation with some random person - a friend of my friend. He apparently lives in Beirut, Lebanon. I wrote him that I find his country very intriguing and maybe would like to live there for a few months/years one day. He replied: 'no, ıt's not a dream, ıt's easy - just do ıt and you will be happy'.

I guess you don't have to only browse Internet or books to find some words of wisdom. Just hang out with wise people.

a very good season

The new season is here! I am having way more fun than in the previous one. I went to Paris and Istanbul (a wine glass in the left hand, a cigarette in the right hand while standing and enjoying the view from the balcony overlooking Aya Sofia and the Blue Mosque) and it was fab! (wait! am I having more fun because I am out of Brussels?!?!).

The month of November is sponsored by the letter R that means reunions! Reunions with my friends living all over the world – I managed to meet Charles (my Chinese friend met in Morocco) and Noellie (ultra fabulous friend from Morocco) and bien sûr my habibi in Turkey.

Yesterday, we officially started les Oudayas reunion of some of my most precious flat mates from my last house in Rabat. The reunion commenced in the bar/restaurant Havana where Olga and I had a dinner and a drink last night. We got inside and were promptly asked for the password through which we had to prove that we were expats coming for the after work party for expats. Upon saying my name I was already recognized by the owner who remembered me from emails regarding reserving the table and handed me in my membership card (fab fab fab!). We had the great dinner and although party was pretty calm we had a blast eating, catching up and toasting to our great lives.

Today, new people are coming and another cool party to be attended.

More friends and more trips (Marseille, Amsterdam and Paris) in the next 2 months to come! Job is fine. Money is fine. Studies are fine. Tout va bien!

It’s a very good season.

the beginning of the new season - continued

I had a blast. 

Following getting involved into the expats' community through the Sunday meeting with Belgian artists I went for an opening of a bar / pub / restaurant last Thursday. The place was called Havana Afterwork and it is ultimately fabulous. I luckily got the link where I could subscribed for free entrance and through my new connections I could also get a table and have a dinner. Upon the entrance we were stopped by nice women with guest lists. Fancy, isn't it? Then we entered and saw a place full of cool expats and the great music in the background. Later, the dinner. Of course, the most amazing part were the people. First of all, a young Belgian guy (half Flemish and half Walloon - isn't it a great example of a reconciliation of the two parts of the Kingdom?) - I have never met someone so funny, smart and cutely pretentious. With sincere disgust on his face he confessed not having liked the beer (in the country of beers) as this is a common and ordinary drink. It stunned me and made me want to worship him. Red wine rocks! Then having heard my stories regarding my social life in Rabat he demanded the emails of my friends as soon as he knew he would be going there. It rarely happens that I feel the same wave length with anyone.

Later, there were some crazy and wild dances on the dance floor. They luckily didn't play any severe techno or house. Just the low-quality hits of 1970s, 1980s and 1990s that I adore. Somehow later, I had this eye connection with some forty something woman. It started when I was charmingly asking for a cigarette for my friend. We had this sweet discussion. She told me she was Welsh. It was loud and I hardly understood. She thought I didn't know where Wales was but when I quickly said that the capital of Wales was Cardiff she was highly impressed. My geographical knowledge is one of my favorite tricks and it almost always works :) Later, she said she had a friend - head hunter - who could be interested in me. Not my priority to look for a job while partying but nevertheless I took her contact. If not for professional purposes then at least for partying.

Later while driving my friend (a dancing queen) home I had to change the lane in a very unfavorable place just before the traffic lights. I managed to have the eye connection with some three random guys behind me. It was so funny as I was sort of communicating with them as if in a silent movie or through the sign language. And the conversation was more than asking for letting my car in front of them. It was a friendly dialogue.

I arrived home being grateful for getting back the life is a movie moments, meeting great people, going through funny, grotesque and ridiculous moments.

And a small headache the next day at work but apparently (!) you cannot have it all ;)

a trailer of a new season!

A change of a season. In Morocco, it would always happen around some big events - a trip to a foreign country, a change of a an apartment, meeting some new interesting people, a clarification of the planes for the future or at the very end the ultimate sadness of leaving and the supreme happiness of having experienced that fabulous life of Al-Maghrib. A season would change every 2-3 months.

I have been to Belgium for exactly 2 months and it is time to finish the first (dull and lame) season. I am going to Paris for the weekend and to Istanbul for another long (and prolonged by taking additional 2 days of leave) weekend (2 trips!). I have started having more new friends (meeting new people). These are at least two signs of a new season. And I can smell it is coming. I am going through a great week followed by great weekend. The job is going fine - busy and challenging but not over-stressing. The social schedule is even more busy. A glass of red wine with a friend, an Indian dinner with some other people, some fancy opening of a fancy new place, another dinner and a Halloween theme party. Everything is also within a reasonable budget. And a piece of a cherry on the cake - Paris for the weekend.

I hope it's more than a good week - I don't feel this kind of emptiness, sadness and restlessness anymore. It's more like in a movie now.

And I can simply smell the new season. You can see the TV spots but they are not that clear or direct. One of the best way to advertise new things is to give limited information to the target group, release some gossips, make people speak about it etc. Then you can be sure of a lot of attention paid to the advertised product. That is what life is doing right now with me. It is conveying a vague message. The picture is obvious to me despite its unclearness. I can feel it.

The new season is coming...

c'est l'Art qui va nous sauver

The day after writing the Saturday posts (which naturally has to be Sunday) I went for a party called 'a Sunday meeting with young Belgian artists'. In my desperation for kicking off a wonderful social life, I do not miss any opportunity. The event was full of great, international people working for different companies, EU institutions, having lived in the most remote places of the globe and coming from different parts of the world or from different countries at the same time (the lucky bastards who have more than one nationality and hence more than one passport!). The first thing clearly different from what I had experienced before was the fact that most of them would genuinely like or almost love their lives in Brussels. They would enjoy the social life, the company of other people and the events. Moreover, all of them would do those kind of jobs that I usually describe with one word - boring. But somehow, another part of their personalities was sensitive to art. They could manage an interesting discussion far from the topics of finances, marketing or audit. It was an interesting discovery. And it is always good to talk to people who feel happy, isn't it? A few words of conversations, a few glasses of never-failing vin rouge (red wine) and a few pieces of advice how to find yourself in a new life in a new city later I got some new friends and made concrete plans for the next social events. The first one is tomorrow! Finally a huge breakthrough in my personal life here. I am telling you. And I will be telling you in the next posts.

And by the way - the artists were a calligrapher and a photographer who combine their talents and come up with a marvelous pieces of arts - calligraphic writing which is then photographed. The outcome of the whole process that is a bit more complex can be found here. It's the Art that will save us!

Nina Simone - My baby just cares for me

Can you think of a cuter and nicer song and videoclip? I cannot!

Enjoy!

a peace treaty with faith

Hardly anyone I meet in Brussels is really happy here. I cannot say these people are unhappy either. They just live their lives in this city being somewhere in between the states of ultimate happiness or a deep depression. Their lives are ok. They are fine. They agreed on this kind of life with Brussels. They would have probably thought of all the kinds of advantages of living here - relatively small city, size-wise but still cool to live with many internationals and places to go out, good job opportunities and all the other convenient crap. But no one finds it exciting or thrilling. People rather seem to go for the things I mentioned. After living in Morocco and having 'life is a movie' moments or states of ultimate happiness (yes, accompanied by states of deep hate or being pissed off) I don't think I will be ever capable of staying in such a dull place. Even if they offer me a good package of social insurances. Then why do these other people agree for that? Probably, they never experienced something more interesting. Maybe they know that life can be better but never felt that so they're not aware of that. They want to live comfortably. They are afraid of changes. Or simply they don't need the kind of life I want to have. Or they don't know they need it...

A girl I met today at a party when asked if she loved living in Belgium replied 'Belgium is not a country to love. You might like it, there rarely are days you hate it. But never love. It is just nothing so special about it to love. Go for liking it. It's the most you can have.' It is so true.

The only reason I can stay here for life is meeting fucking fabulous people.

Then I will fall in love with the country immediately.

life in a non-fabulous city

No, Brussels can hardly be called a fabulous city. The fabulous part is barely seen. I am still looking for it and hoping I can find it. I have the pictures in my mind of me not wanting to leave Brussels in the future because of fabulous life that I have. It is said that when you visualize something it is easier to get that. So I do that.

Maybe this worked out because I had a great moment with some friends last Thursday. Wonderful people, great dinner and of course a bottle of wine (and another bottle). People and alcohol are an amazing mix. My friend that I met are cute, smart, funny, sexy - a melange I like to call 'fucking fabulous'. That's how they are. Unfortunately, that was all. All good things come to an end. 

On Friday, I met two AIESECers. I saw a salsa email and decided to go for the free class at some salsa bar. I met that AIESEC intern girl. The salsa was nice but also painful as it reminded me of my salsa course in Morocco. Then, the dancing part ended and we had to talk. Nothing easy with people with whom you have no connection whatsoever. A friend of hers came over a while later. He was more bearable for me. However, after a while we couldn't agree on a place to go afterwards. It's not that no one would listen to the suggestions of the others - no one would have any interesting suggestions at all (neither would I). We were wandering across the city. We ended up in a nice pub. And then the worst things started to happen. As I might have mentioned that before I hate certain things related to international experience. First one is that I avoid tourists (or I simply hate them) and any signs of them (like taking too many pictures which sometimes happens to me but I make sure it is not too often). The second thing is that I hate ordering in restaurants / bars / pubs in English. Belgium is my second French speaking country that I live in. Even tough my French is not perfect I can manage to have a conversation in this beautiful language. I always use it when speaking to people on the streets, offices or bars. I hate ordering in English because I feel as if I were a stupid tourist who can't speak any language but his native and English (which are often one language). It is not always truth but was always the case in Morocco and is in Belgium. And if you don't speak the language of the country where you currently are / live you can always learn a few words. So I was in this bar with those two people. The guy was ordering in English and the girl was taking pictures of the bottles of alcohol over the bar... Could it have been any worse? When we toasted and I made sure we looked at each other's eyes to avoid seven years of bad sex she felt really intimidated by the fact of bringing up the sex issue. Later, on the way back home she kept taking the pictures and I couldn't resist saying 'why are you taking so many pics? You're not a tourist!' She replied 'oh yes, I am! But just for more than one day!' Apparently, it could have been worse. People who know me know that I will not become friends with her. It was a horrible experience. The percentage of boring and dull expats is so sadly high here. 

Today, at a birthday party of a friend, I met a Polish girl. She's been in Belgium for a few years now. She has this well-paid job at some European institution, a cute boyfriend who will probably become her husband soon. And they have recently left moved out of Brussels to live somewhere outside of the city. I asked if it was suburbs but she said it was even farther. It is definitely not the kind of life I see for myself. And I guess there would be no connection between us either.

To summarize - life can be fun here but it is very difficult. I am still struggling to achieve that.

"Our last summer" (Mamma Mia movie) aka. my last year

The summer air was soft and warm
The feeling right, the Paris night
Did its best to please us
And strolling down the Elysee
We had a drink in each cafe
And you
You talked of politics, philosophy and I
Smiled like Mona Lisa
We had our chance
It was a fine and true romance

I can still recall our last summer
I still see it all
Walks along the Seine, laughing in the rain
Our last summer
Memories that remain

We made our way along the river
And we sat down in the grass
By the Eiffel tower
I was so happy we had met
It was the age of no regret
Oh yes
Those crazy years, that was the time
Of the flower-power
But underneath we had a fear of flying
Of getting old, a fear of slowly dying
We took the chance
Like we were dancing our last dance

I can still recall our last summer
I still see it all
In the tourist jam, round the Notre Dame
Our last summer
Walking hand in hand

Paris restaurants
Our last summer
Morning croissants
Living for the day, worries far away
Our last summer
We could laugh and play

And now you're working in a bank
The family man, a football fan
And your name is Harry
How dull it seems
Yet you're the hero of my dreams

I can still recall our last summer
I still see it all
Walks along the Seine, laughing in the rain
Our last summer
Memories that remain
I can still recall our last summer
I still see it all
In the tourist jam, round the Notre Dame
Our last summer
Walking hand in hand
Paris restaurants
Our last summer
Morning croissants
We were living for the day, worries far away

grey days

It has been around a month and a half since I got to Brussels and no break through changes since then (the positive thing is that most of the stresses related to kick-off of my new life is gone). Job goes fine. Driving the car goes fine. The social life goes fine... But is fine enough for me? There are no big things I can complain about but there are no exciting and thrilling things I can admit to have either. Life is slightly better than average. Only slightly... I guess this is the feeling that is shared not only by me. I have met many people who thought the same. “Yes, life in Brussels is fine”, “yes, it is ok”. I have never heard that someone was excited about their lives and experiences here.

Is there a chance to shoot a movie in such boring scenery? Will it be a Hollywood hit? Won’t it be too boring? I then foresee that the change of the scenery is inevitable. It will happen within the next months. It must happen. And a total change is not difficult as you might seem. As I was said a few days ago by someone:

"no, it's not a dream, it's easy - just do it and you will be happy"

And no question about it.

love and hate relationship - part trois

I have mentioned many times that there is no love and hate relationship between me and Brussels. I tolerate / like the city but no thrilling emotions involved whatsoever. The city is actually not helping to fall in love with it.

Today, I went to a pretty nice café where jazz concert was about to take place. It was planned to start at 5 PM but my friends and I decided to meet there and 7 PM. I arrived a few minutes after 7 PM and only saw the last two songs. They were less lucky as they were late and the concert was already over. It was 7.30 PM. The jazz concert started at 5 PM and only lasted for 2 hours and something. How disappointing the city is!

The people I met were some young Europeans mostly doing some internships all over in Brussels. None of them seemed lucky to be living in Brussels. None of them seemed unhappy either. They could appreciate the city but never love it or hate it. Almost all of them would share those kind of emotions.

What is actually wrong with this city? Is this just a boring capital of Belgium and Europe? An average city? Too many dull people? EU bureaucrats? We are not in the right networks yet? Or maybe it is our lives that are too boring and filled with work that is ok but not enjoyable?

Having hundreds thousands of expats here, it should be a great city to live in. However, they are not special and undistinguishable from the locals anymore. No more fun. No more networks. I do believe that my species is somewhere here. Hiding from the daylight and plunging into the night of music, amazing individuals and conversations, fancy drinks and movie atmosphere.

I hope some magnetic power brings us together. The sooner, the better.

la vie est un film - commencé!

Out of all my not really positive feelings recently reflected on this blog, I do have to admit that Brussels can be kind of cool. So what do I really like about the city and my life here?

My job is ok. I can't complain about the salary or the other conditions. For the moment, it doesn't take more time of my personal life that needed either. Work mates are extremely nice and helpful even though they are mostly not the kind of people I have great connection with. It's not this exciting or thrilling (especially in terms of working environment) kind of job but I do appreciate all the good aspects of it. And I also started liking driving in Brussels and sort of enjoy it. I am less and less stressed about being a driver and being a driver in the city I hardly know.

I do like my flat and my flat mates are nice too. I have all kind of facilities I need. I don't live far from the centre either.

Those people, who know me, know that one of the weirdest thing about me is that I like the metro and its smell. I realize it's bizarre but that is the fact. It's always pretty much the same in every city and Brussels is not an exception. What I also like about it here is the music played all the time at the stations. They either play very shitty music like Samanta Fox or Kim Wilde or some classical fancy music. I like both shitty music and fancy music so it totally matches with my music taste (or lack of it).

I had the first "life is a movie" moment. Desperate for some wonderful social life, a friend and I went to the Grand Casino in Brussels for "Dia de Argentina" to taste the free Argentinean wine, be in a fancy place and watch the tango show. We happened to meet a cool girl working for the embassy of Argentina. We later ended up in the car with her, her bosses (some diplomats / relatives of diplomats) on the way to some other party somewhere in Brussels. How random and great was that. We are in touch now and we both plan to have more "life is a movie" moments with each other. Hamdullah for this break through.

I wish I could write that Brussels is so international and this is so great but Rabat was less international but still international in its best way. Not the case here unfortunately.

Well, being aware of my too high expectations I will let time and my actions improve it and make it more livable.

And so will it happen very soon. No question about it.

"The Caliph's House" by Tahir Shah

"We may have been beset with local difficulties, but we were blissfully separated from our previous lives.
When the telephone rang, it would be our relatives or friends, rather than some annoying voice trying to sell a holiday or a pension. There were no computerized switchboards to deal with or parking meters, no gridlock traffic or triangular sandwiches with upmarket names. Certainly, there was language barrier, and a cultural one, but I found myself happier than I had been in years." (about moving from London to Casablanca)

"On the way home I asked Zohra how she had come to meet Mohammed the architect.
'Through the dental community,' she said." (about how things are always dealt with through the connections)

"Pamela said she had spent years living and traveling through the Mediterranean and North Africa. Much land passed beneath her feet, but her first love was always Morocco. She returned to the United States and opened a Moroccan restaurant in Los Angeles, but even that wasn't enough to satisfy her heart.
'One morning I packed it in,' she said quietly. 'I bought a one-way ticket, and arrived here with a pair of suitcases and my favorite traveling cat. I have never looked back.' (...)
'Whoever you are,' she said, 'Morocco takes you in. Before you know it, you have a home and friends, and you've forgotten your troubles.'"

"'Sometimes I pass it,' the countess said gently. 'I am curious, but I never ring the bell. The past is best left to itself. I find that when it touches the present, it vanishes like a forgotten dream.'"

"'You don't know how good we've got it here,' he said. 'The people are saints. Saints, I tell you!'
'But they never finish anything,' I said despondently. 'And now my workers are walking all over me.'
François cackled. 'They're good people,' he said warmly.
'I thought you hated them.'
'Are you mad?' he said. 'I love them.'' (the example of love and hate relationship)

"Had I the strength, I would have leapt up and throttled Hamza then and there. I was sick of the talk of the Jinns. To hell with the cultural sensitivity. We were all violently ill, and as usual, the Jinns were being blamed." (about the Jinns/ghosts who were believed by the guardians to be haunting the Caliph's house)

"Part of it was being in Africa. The sky was vast, the landscape severe and unrelenting. There was a sense that anything was possible, that I was no longer held back by the telescoped outlook of Europe."

"A sense that Casablanca had transgressed the boundaries originally set out for it by the French. It was a rare hybrid of a place, a hotchpotch of people from different corners of the same kingdom, thrown together in a great human stew. You never heard a word of praise for Casablanca. It was the butt of every joke, the place people came to but never admitted coming from. No one belonged there. But at the same time, we all belonged." (another example of love and hate relationship)

"As Time Goes By" - Play it again Sam

a friend or foe?

Was I actually blessed or cursed by the fact of going to Morocco and living there for one leap year and three weeks? Blessed, I may say, if I consider the people that I met (my habibi and all the friends), the parties I went to, the places I visited etc. On the other hand, however, I was cursed. I was shown a fabulous and thrilling lifestyle but one day I had to finish that and come back to Poland with too high expectations of re-establishing that in Brussels 10 weeks later. Those expectations have not been met yet and I am not sure if they ever going to be (I do hope so). Therefore, I guess Morocco was my friend (or even lover) and foe at the same time. After all, it is love and hate relationship so it involves extreme feelings.

All my work mates from here did not have such a great time abroad. And they are happier here than I. Even if I tell them what I went through they will never understand that. And maybe it’s better for them. At least they are not aware of the fact that their lives could be way more interesting. They don’t know that they can have more. And I was blessed but this is over – now I am cursed. I was shown the real life and it was taken from me. I am trying to get that back but with little results for the moment.

The only hope for me is the people. It’s actually always about the people. Logically speaking and being totally honest, Rabat is way more boring than Brussels. There is less internationals, more cultural restrictions and less places to go out. The reason why I enjoyed it more was because of the amazing individuals that I had met almost right away and that I kept meeting all the time within this leap year and three weeks. So therefore, the only manner to enlarge the excitement of my time here in Brussels is to meet great people. It might be difficult to meet the Rabati type but I do believe it is still possible. I guess I am doing pretty ok to achieve that and my plans for reaching that in the near future are also good – now, it’s only the time to put that into practice.

And then pray to remove the curse and apply the blessing. The blessing of having life is a movie – part deux bruxellois.

where's the fire?

I spent a nice weekend in Lisbon in Portugal. I hanged around in some cafés reading the amazing book "Caliph's House" by Tahir Shah (you have got to read it - I will write about it more I promise), walking within the centre and taking pics. I met a friend from Poland who came over here all the way from the city of of Vigo in Galicia in the North-Western part of Spain and then met a Portuguese friend of my good friend from Rabat. I had some cool time with both of them. I tasted some Portuguese cakes, Portuguese wine etc. The city is really gorgeous.

Normally, I should have been thrilled and excited about this trip. I ought to have been walking within the narrow streets staring up and around being amazed and totally swept by the city. I was not. It was not the case for me anymore. I felt ok, I felt good but my excitement was gone somewhere. There was no life is a movie moments.

I guess I am done with Europe. It's really weird to have realized especially when I see that 9 months ago the city of Lisbon inspired me to write how badly I had missed that continent. Now, the same city makes me express my totally opposite feelings. Am I a complete schizofrenic? In Morocco, I would be totally fed up with my experience in the morning and greatly excited in the evening or at night. At least I knew how to love it. Do I have two personalities? Or maybe way more than two? Will I be able to be happy out of Europe? Maybe, it's only not about it. Maybe it's me. And maybe I just miss my kind of people. Those with whom I can laugh, joke, have some SATC discussion or the intercultural conversations. Probably, it's the mix of everything.

A few years ago a few parts of the centre were completely smashed by a huge fire. I saw no fire this weekend.

"I just can't get you out of my head"

I am here in Vimeiro, Portugal in this fabulous and luxurious three-star hotel (this amount of star is a lot for me). I participate in the trainings to learn more about the area I work for. During the breaks I eat delicious food and I don't have to waste any time for preparing it. The room is cleaned everyday and I don't need to make the bed because the cleaning lady does it. I have a great view from the ocean. I can use the swimming pool (outdoor or indoor), sauna or hammam. I took part in some crazy and funny teambuilding games. I am going to spend the weekend in Lisbon and do whatever I want.

The people here are nice. But what's the point in that if I don't have any connection with them. They are all really nice but no connection whatsoever to have some cool conversations. I look out of the window and I see a great beach. I wish it could be the beach of Rabat near the Oudayas where I spent quite a lot of time with my friends talking and having fun. I also see the swimming pool and I wish it was the one from Marrakech (the trip to the Red City in February 2008) or any of those where I went for the swimming pool parties in Rabat (in Souissi last in August 2007 or in Hay Riad in May 2008).

Is this suffering right now sort of a payment for my fabulous life in Morocco that I had? If we are very happy at some point of our lives do we have to be sad in other points just to compensate it and balance? Or is it only because of the contrast and we feel how much we have lost? Can't we be happy more than a moment? At some point of my stay in Morocco I thought - "that's the beginning of happiness. I just have to survive my 2 months in Poland and that's all! Later I will be happy again!" I guess the moment of happiness was just that moment some months ago but not the period.

It's what Meryl Streep said in "the Hours"
I just hope she was not totally right...

love and hate relationship – part deux

I guess you all know of my only one real relationship over the past year (until last June). It was with Morocco. It was love and hate at the same time. Sometimes it was only the latter or sometimes only the former – sometimes both at the same day. Usually hate in the morning and love in the evening and for sure at night. I could really feel the relationship because of those strong and extreme feelings. I would curse the Kingdom for the way certain things worked (or rather did not work whatsoever) there. I would praise it for the people I met, the conversations I had or the parties I went to. Or for the beautiful views, the avenues, the weather, the cheap cabs etc

Unfortunately, I do not belong to the kind of people who normally can appreciate what they have got at the certain moment. Although not always, I could do that in Morocco (probably more often than anywhere else where I had lived). Even after 12 months of my stay there, I could not sometimes believe that I was in that country. I would walk down the avenue of Mohammed V and could not understand how come I am really inhabitant of Rabat. Or when enjoying my time on the rooftops of the Kasbah des Oudayas, in le Grand Comptoir, Rick’s Café or le Pietri – life was like a glamorous Hollywood movie and I was aware of that at those certain moments.

That is all gone for the moment. It’s part of my memories, this blog or my friends with whom I am luckily in touch and whom I will eventually see within next months.

What is happening right now? I am in Belgium. There were a lot of fears within my last days in Poland right before heading for this experience (as it was in Morocco’s case). But there was no excitement upon arrival – or during the first days. It was not the same anymore. The first season is not as exciting as the one from the Moroccan TV series.

I have no extreme feelings about this country – no love, no hate. I am ok with being here – but what kind of feeling is this? Is it any? You don’t really live when you don’t feel anything. I don’t feel really great here. I don’t feel depressed and I don’t feel extremely happy. There are great places and I have some cool people – so why isn’t it the same or at least a similar thing anymore? There are thousands of expats here – way more than in the Kingdom’s capital. As I have noticed these expats are not the same here as there. As my Polish work mate here said people had come to Brussels mostly to make money. Not in all the cases for sure but still it’s the majority. And the people whom I met in Morocco were mostly for the change in the society, for their own self-development or simply to undergo an adventure.

I guess now that I will find more soul mates in complicated and difficult countries like Morocco than in countries where life is easier for ordinary people like in Belgium.

You may now be sure that I won’t stay here for too long. Unless the life becomes a movie again. Unless I move to a more exciting season. I do believe it will happen eventually. As my friend Stephanie says we always attract the same kind of people wherever we are or wherever we go. I do believe that there is my “species” somewhere here. I do believe that we have our own caves. I do believe that we all emit the same waves and signals so that we can find each other eventually. I didn’t happen right away in Morocco. So I’ve got to wait here.

If you want to understand my feelings better watch this part of an unquestionable masterpiece of art - the movie "The Hours". Morocco is for me what London is for her whereas Richmond is for her what anything else is for me... We are luckily for me not as similar - not to such huge extent...



"This is my right, this is the right of every human being. I choose not the suffocating anaesthetic of the suburbs, but the violent jolt of the capital, that is my choice. The meanest patient, yes, even the very lowest is allowed some say in the matter of her own prescription, thereby she defines her humanity. I wish for your sake I could be happy in this quietness..." - V. Woolf

"you cannot find peace by avoiding life" - V. Woolf

bem-vindo a Portugal

It has been only two weeks that I got to Brussels and I have been sent to the neighbourhood of Lisbon (a charming city called Vimeiro) in Portugal. I will spend here almost two weeks getting to know more about the area I work for at my company, getting to know the people I work with and hanging out in Portugal. I am in a three-star hotel with a fabulous view on the Atlantic Ocean, a swimming pool and all the other luxurious facilities (after year in Morocco when sleeping in a 5 EUR hotels during travels). The weather is amazing, the food is great and I already managed to get some drinks for free :) Seems like a great place to be. If I only (hopefully) connect with people I am here with it is going to be great – and it is not difficult but also not that obvious in my case. I guess I am still in the phase of post-Moroccan reversed cultural shock and the rejection of my new country and experience. I hope I will be able to see some more positive things to summarize my stay in Portugal in about two weeks. I guess I need that in order to feel better and more aware of the fact that Moroccan movie is over. A new is started even if it’s not as exciting (yet!). I am pretty blessed with all I have in my life and it’s the thing that I don’t know how to enjoy it all the time. I hope it happens soon.

And see the latest album from Vimeiro, Portugal - there will be more soon!

"the world is mine"

On my first day to work I passed through a charming and picturesque suburbs of Brussels. There were a cute houses of some rich people I guess. I thought "I never wanna end like this (in the suburbs)". Then the next day I went to IKEA to buy some cheap bed sheets. I saw all the crap that people buy to put in their houses. I thought "Why do they all need this shit?". I had the same thoughts when I was in Warsaw one month ago. Now, I'm placed in Brussels. I'm equipped with a car and it's already too much for me. Thanks God it does not belong to me. And thanks God I'm not living in the suburbs but in the centre of the town. I'm in a walking distance from the EU area and from the historic centre.

Well, it's always pretty shaky and unclear with me but I don't feel like settling down in one place for the moment. The world is big and I still haven't seen most of the things it has to offer.

on the pre-movie-shooting stage

I have been in Brussels for more than a week. I started a new life. How is it going? Not as exciting as I thought. The city is nice but not exciting. No thrilling social life yet. The job is going fine but is a bit stressful from time to time (or I'm too stressed because I probably exaggerate). Driving my car in Brussels was hell during my first few days. Now, it's much better. I had a short but strong crisis somewhere in the middle of the week. It's much better now. I will go out tonight (third night in a row) although none of these gatherings was as great as some in Morocco. I guess it's just the matter of time and meeting new cool people.

I compared my feelings with the feelings that I had when I finished my first week in Morocco - It’s more than one week that I’m in Morocco and still I cannot believe that I’m here. Everything is just so amazing and different (...) Generally speaking, I like Morocco very much and enjoy every minute here. I didn’t have any breakdown, homesickness or depression. Today, after coming back from trip to Fes (exciting and exhausting), when I entered my flat I just felt like at home. It’s my new home for now. I cannot write it here. I was more happier then than now. Maybe, because that was my first international experience. Maybe, because the country was so different. Maybe, because I didn't have a serious 9 to 5 job there and life was so stressless. Or maybe because I didn't have so many high expectations as I have right now. Probably, a bit of all. But I know I need to change my expectations. Or maybe not the expectations themselves but I should definitely give them some time in order to be accomplished. Because they will be eventually. 

No question about it.

life is... in Brussels

I have been here for 2 days and I have been enjoying my time here. This is a nice city. Maybe not as beautiful as e.g. Paris but still very nice. It is smaller size wise which is very good. I live in walking distance from centre (I can drink and come back home on foot totally wasted after a fabulous party = meaning no need to drive car or pay for the night buses). The weather has been nice too. I am not surprised. Even tough normally it's shitty here (that's what they say) I somehow always manage to have good weather when I travel to European capitals. I always arrive at the first day of sun and always leave in the last one. It's the case for Brussels (the arriving part only).

I haven't had any pure "life is a movie" moments yet - no jazz singer of the most fabulous hot spot of the town has paid for my drinks yet, I haven't been dancing crazy dances to the jazz versions of Russian songs in another great hot spot, I haven't been an extra in a movie (did I mention something about too high expectations some time ago? Because I am not sure about that... :)

In return, I had a very nice and tranquil weekend, exploring the city or hanging around in the city cafés with some of my friends which are things that I obviously enjoy. I have a great flat and my flat mate seems nice. I am starting my job tomorrow. A bit stressed but also impatient to do it.

I am not disappointed about no "life is a movie" situations. It took me a few months to establish my life in Rabat. Now, I already have some experience in that. I will soon explore the proper places and I have the right people for that. And I will find more of them (both people and places). It's just the matter of time. Life is a movie, anyway. And even in the best movie you need to wait for the action to speed up :)

"cry just a little bit"

I almost cried again. I stopped myself that time. First, when I was saying goodbye to my mom and then on the way to the airport. The other cry-causing factors were some difficult conversations that I had with some important people in my life. It's sorted out now and there should be no problems in the relations. It's just when you listen to sad things you absorb them and then in order to get them out of yourself crying might be a good solution. I did not do that however. It just went away itself without tears.

Now, I should be crying from happiness. I arrived in Brussels around 2 h ago. It's so exciting. My flat and flat mates are very nice. I'm starting my job on Monday but before I will have a fabulous first weekend in the city!

Life is a movie!

"the winner takes it all"

I've made it. 10 weeks of Poland have just passed. I'm going to Brussels in 21 hours and something.

Have I won the battle? Am I successful? Well, if you look the goal-wise I'm definitely a winner. I have survived this period having realized all my goals (I wrote my thesis, saw most of my friends and family and partied with them, travelled a bit in Poland, got enough money for going to Brussels, found a room there, did all the paper work etc). However, if you look process-wise, I'm not sure if I'm 100% winner. It was painful to be here at the beginning (quite a long beginning) and I didn't cope with this in a good way. I was complaining a lot and it wasn't easy for others to deal with that. Strength as I recently realized is not only reaching the goals but also doing that in a brave way. I did the first thing but not always in a brave way.

Objectively looking, my stay here wasn't that bad. Yes, the beginning was very hard. No question. But later, the nice moment were happening more and more often. At some points I had a lot of fun. Thanks to my friends of course. Hamdullah for them! However, I keep thinking of Morocco and Rabat all the time. I'm there every and each day - walking on Mohammed V avenue, catching a blue cab, waiting for a train to Casablanca and listening to the bilingual train announcements, having a coffee at Bert's in Agdal, enjoying my breakfast on the rooftop of my Oudayas house overlooking the Atlantic Ocean, Bouregreg river, Salé, and Rabat downtown, grabbing gin tonic in Le Pietri or Le Grand Comptoir, passing through busy streets of the medina or walking lazily in MegaMall and watching the shop displays with exorbitant prices, taking the bus #1 to Souissi, going by car on John Kennedy avenue, crossing the streets with busy traffic in more dangerous way than Moroccans, eating my favorite avocado yoghurt and so on and so on. This is an endless list. This is also the past. However, the past that shaped the presence and the future. The past is here all the time. You can feel the presence of the past nearly every moment.

However, the future starts tomorrow while the presence ends. And a new love and hate relationship although the hating part will probably come later so let's not disturb ourselves with it.

Putting all the deep thoughts back I must say I am happy to be going to Brussels (which is not a surprise for you I am sure). And Poland is not that bad either. I kind of like it too. Probably because I'm leaving tomorrow. But also because I got used to living here and also managed to be surrounded and have fun with great people. And I am also stressed about leaving tomorrow. I have the pre-departure fever that sometimes makes me think "I should stay". It's normal however in my case. These are irrational thoughts and I don't take them into serious consideration. They show up whenever I travel there. Fuck them!

And sorry for randomness and mess of this post... I guess that the form doesn't matter today but the content only.

It's the end of a season and the beginning of a new one.

La vie commence d'être un film encore! A partir de demain!

summertime

Everyone loves summer, don't they? Sun, beach, sea, lake, rest, trips, abandoning office and work. Summertime. My summertime started last year in June and lasted (with some minor disruptions) until 23 June (2008) - the time of the year when according to astronomy the summer actually starts. My summer ended for me when it started for the others. C'est la vie! Life wasn't a movie anymore. Luckily, with some minor exceptions.

The first one was the night I had in Sopot (mentioned here). I had a blast partying with some foreigners in a cool city, in a cool club with great music (1980s:). I felt awesome as if I was back in the Kingdom.

The second time was the weekend trip to Warsaw. I discovered the city, met my friends, drank some liquor, partied, hanged out in the picturesque or dirtily urban parts of the capital. I didn't expect so much from such a short period of time in one place. It also gave me a lot of thoughts (read here). That was an enlightening experience.

The third time was last weekend. I went with my friend Ludwika to the south of Poland. We went to my grandma and instead of going by train, bus or any other civilized mean of transportation we decided for hitch-hiking. That and the whole visit at my family's were one of the most hilarious and funny few days of my life. Ludwika and I have extremely ridiculous and grotesque sense of humor. I have never laughed so much before. And we laughed because of really stupid and crazy things. Millions of inside jocks. You would never understand it even if you perfectly spoke Polish and were with us. It's just us.

All that and a few other smaller stories made my summertime relatively nicer than I had expected upon arrival in Poland (in between of the days of boredom and frustration). My friend Tosia patiently waited until the day that I said I liked Poland. It was yesterday that I said that. Maybe because of the fact that I had these nice moments or because I am leaving this country in 2 days. I admit that it was very hard for me at the beginning of my stay here. It was awful. Although I keep thinking about the Kingdom every day (until today), there is no more sorrow and pain now as it used to be at the beginning.

The new movie is about to start. And it's summertime again! yaaay!

I love 80s!

I love 1980s!!! I know (let's be honest) that it's not the best achievement of music or its highest peak but I simply adore it. 80s are awesome!

A few days ago, I bumped into Sopot Festival 2008 - one of the oldest pop music festivals in Poland (happening since 1963 in the city where I study - Sopot). Same as 80s, the event has rarely been perceived as high-quality. Critics questions its level every year. I watched 80s concert the other night. It hosted the performance of musicians such as Shakin' Stevens, Kim Wilde, Sandra, Sabrina, Kajagoogoo, Samantha Fox and Modern Talking. It was one of the few or probably the first time that I watched a concert from the beginning until the end. I had a blast wishing I was part of the audience. 80s have its fabulous atmosphere and rhythms. The 80s-themed parties are the best. 80s are awesome! (I know, I know - my music taste is very low:)

See the TV promotional spot of the Festival (having answered the phone, the lady is saying "everything is gonna be ok! we've got the real ones!"):



and the real ones:

Kim Wilde: You Keep Me Hangin' On




Shakin' Stevens: Cry Just A Little Bit




Sandra: Maria Magdalena




Sabrina: Boys




Samantha Fox: Touch Me (I Want Your Body)




Kajagoogoo: Too Shy




Modern Talking: Cherry Cherry Lady

a huge step for me, but not necessarily for the humanity

This step is my master's thesis! Yesterday, I officially finished writing it and then sent it to my prof! Yay!!! The counting stopped on 101 pages :) Unfortunately, it doesn't mean my graduation yet. My prof will review it and if it sucks I will have to rewrite it - that's the worst of the most pesimistic scenarios. I'm sure it's not gonna be that bad. I just hope I will not have to many corrections and thus I won't spend too much of precious Belgian time on working on it. Theoretically, I have around 10 months for doing that (until June 2009 or if I want I can postpone it until September 2009). However, I want to do it till this winter so that I am don with that as soon as possible and I can focus on my last exams of the fifth year. And then just graduate in June 2009.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!

"high hopes"

Despite my excitement about my soon-to-be-started second international experience, there are, I must admit, some fears. Again, it's all about expectations.

Going to Morocco I didn't have too much of them - just the standard ones like learning a new language, traveling, sigthseeing, meeting new people, developing myself and bla bla bla. These were good expectations but not so difficult to be fulfilled. I wasn't aware of lots of stuff that I later experienced. Because how could I predict meeting so many wonderful people? being an extra in a Hollywood movie? having such a wonderful social life? having so many amazing conversations? That was all beyond any expectations of mine.

And it's here that I start walking on a dangerous soil - I begin to set too many expectations which are in addition very high. I will live in a city different than Rabat, I will have a different job, different amount of money to spend. People will not be the same either (I don't mean locals but expats) and that's my biggest fear. Will they all be as fabulous as those in Rabat? I really wanna reestablish my Rabat lifestyle but will I have the resources to do it? I will find it out soon. All the questions will be answered.

How much will my first international experience differ from the second one? The second time is never the first time. Will the Kingdom of Belgium be as generous for me as Kingdom of Morocco? A helping factor is paradoxically in this case the Republic of Poland. If I hadn't had to go to the Republic for 2 months I would have all the reversed cultural shocks in the second Kingdom. But being here I associate all the shocks to my stay in the Republic and at the same time I am looking forward to going the Kingdom which I expect to be a cure for my poor state right now. I only hope I'm not overestimating the power of this cure...

What makes me feel better is the fact that I was getting to Morocco with no slightest idea what I would experience soon. I didn't even consider that I would go thru something else than awaited. I simply didn't think of it. I hope that's gonna be the same in Belgium. There will be things I am not aware of at the moment. There will be times when I think I am dreaming, when I think it's not really happening.

...and life will be a movie again.

"every step you take, I'll be watching you"

The city of Rabat can population-wise be compared to Warsaw, Poland. When you walk in Warsaw you can actually feel you are in a big city however, when you're in Rabat you can't feel the urban atmosphere... The city is very calm even tough the traffic might be perceived as a bit crazy (not because of traffic jam that is not the case in Rabat but because of the way people drive - still it's way less crazy than in Casablanca or Marrakesh). At least, you don't feel as if you were in a huge city. There is a small down town (centre-ville) and another "center" called Agdal. Despite the fact the Centre-Ville has its gorgeous avenue Mohammed V, the post-colonial architecture, my favorite hot spots (le Grand Comptoir and le Pietri) and the proximity of the medina I always like Agdal more. Maybe because you feel the city atmosphere more when you are in Agdal than in Centre-Ville.

Whenever I walk in Sopot, Gdansk or Gdynia (the cities where I lived and studied) or even in Warsaw I feel really anonymous. It's not easy to meet someone you know on the street (possible but not very common). But in Rabat, it was almost sure that you always meet someone you know - not only on the street but on the trains, in the cafes, bars or even when catching the taxi. Normally, it has its pros and cons but luckily in Rabat you would most of the times bump into your good friends or people you really like. I loved that about Rabat. You felt like at home surrounded by cool people everywhere (I mean friends not the random strangers:)

Once I was crossing the street near cafe Bert's and pizzeria Pinchos in Agdal when I saw my good friend Neal (the prof in the school where my office was situated; of Moroccan/Polish/Jewish origins and American nationality). I barely saw him walking with the mp3 player and headphones in my ears. We exchanged a few words and decided to go out to le Grand Comptoir later that day. I walked away thinking that Rabat is so cool to let me bump into my friends everywhere when I met Elsa (an English teacher of French origins). We also had a short conversation (would be longer but we were both in hurry) and planned something together too.

A few weeks before that I was waiting for a friend near gare de Rabat Ville in Centre-Ville. Firstly, I saw two AIESECers from Casablanca walking towards me. Not surprised to meet friends in the middle of the city we talked a while. Then they left and a few minutes later I saw my flat mate Rachid (a Moroccan/Russian guy studying in Rabat) waving to me from the distance. I went to talk to him and he said he was having a coffee across the huge roundabout in front of the train station and it was then that he saw me. He decided to invite me. I thanked saying I was waiting for a friend. Then I met my another friend (a Canadian) whom I met at the movie shooting. We actually said good bye because he was about to leave the next day. After he left I saw again the two AIESECers coming back from wherever they were and asking me: "are you still waiting for your friend?" I screamed back: "you know!! the Moroccan timing!!" They laughed and went away. My friend was late almost 1 hour. Then suddenly, a guy (a Moroccan) sitting next to me started the conversation.
him: "so what is exactly Moroccan timing?"
me: "you know, my friend was about to be here one hour ago and I'm still waiting!"
him: "oh! maybe something happend to him?"
me: "sure... yeah..."
him: "where are you from actually?"
me: "Poland"
him: "oh! Poland... nice... kurwa!"
me: ":)"
him: "Poland? so do you know Karim? He is from Poland!"
me: "no.... I don't know any Karim from Poland"
And then my impatiently waited by me friend came and the hilarious conversation was over.

Another time, I was walking thru the medina with my friends and wearing my favorite AIESEC t-shirt (the AIESEC UK t-shirt with huge word "AIESEC" and huge British flag) and one of the AIESECers, Amine Lax, told me the next day that his mom saw me in the medina the day before. I said that how come she could have recognized me - she had never seen me and we had never met. He replied: "You obviously look like a foreigner and you had an AIESEC t-shirt. When she told me that I told her that she must have seen our VP Finance:)"

Or thousands of stories of secret police watching foreigners or taxi drivers asking random tourists or mainly expats about forbidden topics...? (life was a spy movie there!) Everyone knew everyone in this city...

Oh Rabat! I miss your hilarious and surreal atmosphere... and my people!

mid-report

One of the things that makes me (and I'm sure that many of you too) happy is when I see that my goals are being gradually realized. When my plans are becoming reality. This is the reason why I've felt better recently. I came to Poland for 10 weeks with clear goals to achieve within this period. So... what I have actually achieved:

-my thesis (I finalized 3 out of 4 chapters which is more than 60 pages; still around 20 to be done and I expect to finish it by the next week the latest; I hope my prof will like it and there won't be any big corrections; I have a year to make them though since I plan to defend it in June 2009)

-getting back all my IDs that I lost in Madrid (all of them are back),

-driving a car (I had to relearn driving a car as I didn't do it for more than a year in Morocco; actually, it seems that my skills weren't lost; I drive as bad as I always did :) and! I submitted a car request form meaning I will get my own car in Brussels:),

-earning money (in progress; the agreement with my parents was that I get the money needed for first month in Brussels in exchange for helping them in houseworks and their summer business; not exciting in terms of kinds of works I have to do but exciting from financial point of view; still there are some details to be negotiated),

-seeing all my friends and family (in progress; mostly realized but still I need to see some of them which will happen soon),

-finding a place to live in Brussels (done!!! I found a cool, well-located and relatively cheap room between the centre and EU area! can't wait to move in there in exactly 3 weeks!).

Maybe the good realization of the plans or maybe the perspective of leaving soon for Belgium or maybe even the fact that the reversed-cultural shock is over and I started liking the country made me feel better. But le Maroc me manque beaucoup encore!! Oh Maroc!!! Tu es où??

Warsaw and all what it entails...

Last Friday, I went to Warsaw. The official objective of the trip was to collect some information for the last chapter of my thesis. However, I was more looking forward to seeing a lot of my friends there, chilling out and obviously partying...

Before I got to the city, I was wondering. After coming back to Poland and losing all the excitement about previously exciting things, will I like this city as I used to? Warsaw is either loved or hated. For many, it's perceived as ugly city with questionable atmosphere, rude people and architectural mess. Others are excited not judging it as ugly at all and enjoying the mysterious atmosphere, even if what they really love in it is totally crazy. I rather used to place myself in the second group, being charmed and seduced by the capital even tough I never had too many interactions with the city. When I was there, I loved wandering in the city centre near the Culture Palace that is the most controversial building of the city - by some perceived as the purest symbol of communism and Soviet influences whereas by others as intersting piece of architecture and symbol of difficult history of the country and the city. I totally loved being surrounded by the skyscrapers of 90's and XXI century, the ugly train station "Warszawa Centralna", the Palace and the XIX century old houses. You can feel the influences of at least three totally different historical periods of the city and the country called Poland.

I had all these thoughts on the car on the way to Warsaw. I was not excited as I should be. All the memories and thoughts seemed a bit faded. I got off the car and looked around. No thrilling feelings. I had some time and walked the pretty long distance from the neighborhood of the train station "Warszawa Zachodnia" (the Western Warsaw) to "Warszawa Centralna". I sat in a cafe in the newly opened "Zlote Tarasy" (the Golden Terraces) shopping mall. Normally, I don't enjoy shopping malls because going from shop to shop makes me very tired (and upset that I can't afford most of the things). However, I love sitting in the cafes in such places and breathing the urban air that surrounds me everywhere. Later, I met Olga - my flat mate in Rabat and the only Polish soul in Morocco with whom I had a lot of fun. A lot of the things, we discussed included post-cultural shocks and all the difficulties/challenges related to that. I really enjoyed that as it gave me a lot of thoughts that I will surely share here. The most important thing however, was the atmosphere that we had. I had the most laid-back day since I got back to Poland. We were wandering between cafes, parks, the Old City narrow streets and all this kind of places. We spent 7 or 8 hours like this - doing nothing. The city was so lazy. We had some hilarious interactions with some drunk men on the streets. I couldn't believe that the city was so lazy. I had always the impression that it was very fast and furious and crazy. And in reality, it was so laid-back and pleasently slow (probably, I was in the wrong place, at the wrong time to see its crazy part). I was loudly saying how surprised I was to experience this face of the city and Olga was actually surprised to be going it thru this as well. Although born and raised there, she didn't have too many that kind of interactions with Warsaw. I was happy to made her discover what I had just discovered.

What I also enjoyed is that I got to the city in one of the most memorable days of its history. At 5 PM after everyone could hear the sound of the hoot, all the cars stopped, people stood up and remained silent until the hoot was gone. The 1 August, 5 PM (called "W hour") is the anniversary of the Warsaw uprising of 1944 when people of the city started uneven fight against the occupants - Nazi Germans. Despite their amazing and brave efforts, they lost, most of them died and the city was razed to the ground. Even though"the city survived its own death" as one of the book and a shopping display says, it irreversably affected its people, spirit and the look. Probably, it's one of the many reasons why it is so bizarre right now and why it causes so many mixed and extreme feelings.

Later, that day I changed the environment - especially in terms of people. I met my friends again. But from a bit crazy, disorganized and "come what may" Olga I went to crazy (in a very different way), and more organized friends who work for different corporations in Warsaw and have excellently-promising careers. Well, it's actually the same for me. I will start a great job in a great city very very soon! That's why I was surprised not to enjoy listening to them speaking about new pieces of furniture bought to their flats (the flats that in a few cases have just been acquired as well - God bless mortgages), new cars and all the small gadgets that I simply don't need in my life. The conclusion was simple for me. At least, for the moment, I don't feel like settling down in one place for a lifetime... I'm happy for all of them but I'm happy for myself more. And somehow I got the impression, that I have so much more liberty in my life than anyone around me here. I guess I have the biggest correspondence between things I want and things I get (in the cases when it's technically possible to get them). When I want something I just do all my best to get that and sooner or later I have that. This especially includes the fact being somewhere where I really want to be. If I want to work in Bangkok, I will find a job in Bangkok. No question about it. And this feels so good.

That was a great weekend - it made me discover the city, wrap-up my life and also learn more about myself.

I guess I'm in love with Warsaw...

l'essence de ma vie à Rabat

J'adore cette tof. C'est juste l'essence pure de mon style de vie à Rabat - des fêtes avec les meilleurs gens, un mélange magnifique d'alcool avec de cigarettes (normalement, je ne fume pas!!!) et le Grand Comptoir (le hot spot d'expatriés de Rabat situé au Centre-Ville). Je vais recommencer la même chose prochainement :)

(for translations go to Google language tools)

a 10-week-long dentist visit

It's exactly half of my stay in Poland. I arrived 30 something days ago and I will leave in 34 days.

And I still don't feel good here. I accepted the fact that I would have to spend summer here. However, I cannot be happy here. At least most of the times.

Besides, missing my Morocco and the life I had there, there is more that makes me feel the way I feel.

Objectively looking at my life here - the majority of the aspects is with no question making me feel bad. There are few positive aspects though. I'll list all of them so that you can judge it yourselves if you want.

Why I am unhappy:
-I am stuck in my hometown for 10 weeks of this summer; usually I can only handle 2 days in a row; I simply cannot live in this place for good anymore,
-I have a shitty job here,
-I have no friends around and no social life - the closest friends are 50 km from my hometown, the pubs/bar are simply not for me here,
-my parents are not happy to see me going to see my friends and spending nights elsewhere than home, they aren't happy to host my friends here either,
-I am broke - no savings, just debts to different people and my bank,

The positive aspects:
-by the end of the summer, I will have had enough money to survive the first month in Brussels, before getting paid there,
-I have the Internet connection here (seriously, if I didn't have it, I would not be here under any circumstances; it's not that I'm Internet addict but that I can keep in touch with those I miss),
-by the end of the summer, my thesis will have been finished,
-I got back all my stolen/expired IDs, driving license, etc.,
-I still manage (despite all the difficulties) to see my friends from time to time.

I knew what would await me before coming here. I just didn't realize it would be so hard to face it all. From some points of view, the decision to come for this summer to Poland and not to go anywhere else was good (money or studies wise). I would compare it with an appoitment at the dentist's. You know it will hurt and will be unpleasent, but at the same time you know you have to do it. And this is what I'm doing right here, right now. I'm trying to survive a visit at the dentist. It started more than a month to go. And still more than a month until this visit is over.

I will survive.

the first one of the one thousand and one nights

I think that you already know that living in the expats community was one of the most exciting things for me in Rabat. However, I don't think I have ever put enough attention and space to really express how it feels to live within such a community. I found two really cool blog entries of two of my friends who were important characters in the season five of my Morocco - Stephanie of Canadian origins who arrived in Morocco in the middle of one of the craziest partying weekend I had ever had in Morocco (end of May) and Kellye from the US who showed up in Rabat a few days later. Both of them were brutally thrown just inside the social life of internationals in the city, the first night they landed in the country... They were really lucky because in my case, it took me months to establish such a social agenda... Since both of them are English native speakers, they will just perfectly and with a small bit of poetry pass their experiences, impressions and thoughts on their first days in this fabulous city full of amazing people. Unforgettable nights that none of them had expected. Enjoy!

Kellye:

My first night went much, much differently than I would ever expect. I met a large slice of the young ex-patriot community at a rooftop party in the old Oudayas neighborhood. It was a Great Gatsby-themed party, hosted by a random group of Westerners who live in the same house. Noellie, an eccentric French/American/Moroccan/citizen of the world was the star. It was her prerogative to provide everyone with the costumes. With her smoky accent, long blonde hair, and twenties-style red dress she played the part of the glamorous, ex-pat with dramatic flair. As soon as we met, she pulled out a slinky black dress for me, slit to the thigh in multiple places. With the addition of a red scarf tied flapper-style around my short curly bob and a long string of pearls, I found myself standing rather scantily clad on a roof in the casbah overlooking downtown Rabat, wine cup in hand. In Aix-en Provence, France, I had become accustomed to meeting people from around the world all in one place to work, visit or learn and this party was no exception. There were lots of Americans and Dutch people as well as a few Australians and Moroccans. It will be a fascinating summer indeed!

Stephanie:

In this new technological era that we live in, I would beg to differ that life is more like a glam and glitzed Hollywood movie. That's at least how it felt when I came down the tarmac to find a chauffeur with a STEPHANIE BROWN sign, waiting to take me to the hotel that I would be staying in for the entire summer: It's been a little over 2 weeks that I've been here, and already I feel pretty adjusted to my surroundings and to my work. I was here just one day when 1 of the 2 brothers who man the front desk on a rotating schedule knocked on my door to tell me that I had a phone call on the line. Already having resigned myself to a lonely night of watching one of the 3 channels on my dinky television set, and having no idea who on this Moroccan earth could already have my number, I was by no means ready to go down to the reception to take the call. I asked Front Desk Brother #1 to ask whoever it was to call back in 5 minutes. Sitting there, a little disoriented to say the least, I was shocked when who walks into the front door but Sophia, a girl I had met only once on one of my visits to see my best friend Hillary at Smith College. Thanks once again to the power of technology - Facebook in this instance - Sophia had found out that I was coming to Rabat and knew which hotel I was staying in, and decided to spread some love from one All Womens College student to another by whisking me off into the life that took her 9 months to establish. Off we went to Le Pietri, a fancy jazz lounge where I was seated directly across from the Romanian star singer of the night... drastic change of events, to say the very least, that's for sure!

In the past 2 weeks I have been to more dinner dates, get-togethers, and discos than I ever would have imagined. It helped that this was Sophia's last week in Morocco so she kindly passed on her wisdom and advice (and cell phone!), as well as including me in her jam-packed and ridiculously awesome social schedule. I've met a TON of people through her, mainly European expats who are here in Morocco's capital working for the UN, UNICEF, schools, architecture firms, or for their country's embassies. It's a tight-knit community that is full of some super interesting characters; my closest friends here thus far include a Dutch boy who is on a quest for the perfect soil so that he can start an organic farm and export the produce back to Europe; an incredibly fun gay Polish guy who mysteriously manages to find romance in this supposedly conservative 'closed' society; a spunky 36-yr old Yemenese woman who is dating an American 10 years her junior, neither of whom share a language in common; a dashing French man who pulls off tophats and bright yellow petticoats and has a pet dog named Mochitto; a suave Moroccan guy who by age 20 already owned his own discothèque; and an eccentric American-born, Moroccan-raised, French-inhabited woman who brings a tote bag full of custome jewellery and clothes for the themed parties we have.

It’s an interesting crowd, to say the very least. Communicating in a mix of English, French and the local dialect of Arabic, we don’t always understand each other but the one thing that we can all relate to is being a foreigner in Morocco, and all the good and all the bad that that entails. It’s the common thread that pulls us together and we appreciate each other for simply being in (not to mention putting up with the oddities of) this country.