l'essence de ma vie à Rabat

J'adore cette tof. C'est juste l'essence pure de mon style de vie à Rabat - des fêtes avec les meilleurs gens, un mélange magnifique d'alcool avec de cigarettes (normalement, je ne fume pas!!!) et le Grand Comptoir (le hot spot d'expatriés de Rabat situé au Centre-Ville). Je vais recommencer la même chose prochainement :)

(for translations go to Google language tools)

a 10-week-long dentist visit

It's exactly half of my stay in Poland. I arrived 30 something days ago and I will leave in 34 days.

And I still don't feel good here. I accepted the fact that I would have to spend summer here. However, I cannot be happy here. At least most of the times.

Besides, missing my Morocco and the life I had there, there is more that makes me feel the way I feel.

Objectively looking at my life here - the majority of the aspects is with no question making me feel bad. There are few positive aspects though. I'll list all of them so that you can judge it yourselves if you want.

Why I am unhappy:
-I am stuck in my hometown for 10 weeks of this summer; usually I can only handle 2 days in a row; I simply cannot live in this place for good anymore,
-I have a shitty job here,
-I have no friends around and no social life - the closest friends are 50 km from my hometown, the pubs/bar are simply not for me here,
-my parents are not happy to see me going to see my friends and spending nights elsewhere than home, they aren't happy to host my friends here either,
-I am broke - no savings, just debts to different people and my bank,

The positive aspects:
-by the end of the summer, I will have had enough money to survive the first month in Brussels, before getting paid there,
-I have the Internet connection here (seriously, if I didn't have it, I would not be here under any circumstances; it's not that I'm Internet addict but that I can keep in touch with those I miss),
-by the end of the summer, my thesis will have been finished,
-I got back all my stolen/expired IDs, driving license, etc.,
-I still manage (despite all the difficulties) to see my friends from time to time.

I knew what would await me before coming here. I just didn't realize it would be so hard to face it all. From some points of view, the decision to come for this summer to Poland and not to go anywhere else was good (money or studies wise). I would compare it with an appoitment at the dentist's. You know it will hurt and will be unpleasent, but at the same time you know you have to do it. And this is what I'm doing right here, right now. I'm trying to survive a visit at the dentist. It started more than a month to go. And still more than a month until this visit is over.

I will survive.

the first one of the one thousand and one nights

I think that you already know that living in the expats community was one of the most exciting things for me in Rabat. However, I don't think I have ever put enough attention and space to really express how it feels to live within such a community. I found two really cool blog entries of two of my friends who were important characters in the season five of my Morocco - Stephanie of Canadian origins who arrived in Morocco in the middle of one of the craziest partying weekend I had ever had in Morocco (end of May) and Kellye from the US who showed up in Rabat a few days later. Both of them were brutally thrown just inside the social life of internationals in the city, the first night they landed in the country... They were really lucky because in my case, it took me months to establish such a social agenda... Since both of them are English native speakers, they will just perfectly and with a small bit of poetry pass their experiences, impressions and thoughts on their first days in this fabulous city full of amazing people. Unforgettable nights that none of them had expected. Enjoy!

Kellye:

My first night went much, much differently than I would ever expect. I met a large slice of the young ex-patriot community at a rooftop party in the old Oudayas neighborhood. It was a Great Gatsby-themed party, hosted by a random group of Westerners who live in the same house. Noellie, an eccentric French/American/Moroccan/citizen of the world was the star. It was her prerogative to provide everyone with the costumes. With her smoky accent, long blonde hair, and twenties-style red dress she played the part of the glamorous, ex-pat with dramatic flair. As soon as we met, she pulled out a slinky black dress for me, slit to the thigh in multiple places. With the addition of a red scarf tied flapper-style around my short curly bob and a long string of pearls, I found myself standing rather scantily clad on a roof in the casbah overlooking downtown Rabat, wine cup in hand. In Aix-en Provence, France, I had become accustomed to meeting people from around the world all in one place to work, visit or learn and this party was no exception. There were lots of Americans and Dutch people as well as a few Australians and Moroccans. It will be a fascinating summer indeed!

Stephanie:

In this new technological era that we live in, I would beg to differ that life is more like a glam and glitzed Hollywood movie. That's at least how it felt when I came down the tarmac to find a chauffeur with a STEPHANIE BROWN sign, waiting to take me to the hotel that I would be staying in for the entire summer: It's been a little over 2 weeks that I've been here, and already I feel pretty adjusted to my surroundings and to my work. I was here just one day when 1 of the 2 brothers who man the front desk on a rotating schedule knocked on my door to tell me that I had a phone call on the line. Already having resigned myself to a lonely night of watching one of the 3 channels on my dinky television set, and having no idea who on this Moroccan earth could already have my number, I was by no means ready to go down to the reception to take the call. I asked Front Desk Brother #1 to ask whoever it was to call back in 5 minutes. Sitting there, a little disoriented to say the least, I was shocked when who walks into the front door but Sophia, a girl I had met only once on one of my visits to see my best friend Hillary at Smith College. Thanks once again to the power of technology - Facebook in this instance - Sophia had found out that I was coming to Rabat and knew which hotel I was staying in, and decided to spread some love from one All Womens College student to another by whisking me off into the life that took her 9 months to establish. Off we went to Le Pietri, a fancy jazz lounge where I was seated directly across from the Romanian star singer of the night... drastic change of events, to say the very least, that's for sure!

In the past 2 weeks I have been to more dinner dates, get-togethers, and discos than I ever would have imagined. It helped that this was Sophia's last week in Morocco so she kindly passed on her wisdom and advice (and cell phone!), as well as including me in her jam-packed and ridiculously awesome social schedule. I've met a TON of people through her, mainly European expats who are here in Morocco's capital working for the UN, UNICEF, schools, architecture firms, or for their country's embassies. It's a tight-knit community that is full of some super interesting characters; my closest friends here thus far include a Dutch boy who is on a quest for the perfect soil so that he can start an organic farm and export the produce back to Europe; an incredibly fun gay Polish guy who mysteriously manages to find romance in this supposedly conservative 'closed' society; a spunky 36-yr old Yemenese woman who is dating an American 10 years her junior, neither of whom share a language in common; a dashing French man who pulls off tophats and bright yellow petticoats and has a pet dog named Mochitto; a suave Moroccan guy who by age 20 already owned his own discothèque; and an eccentric American-born, Moroccan-raised, French-inhabited woman who brings a tote bag full of custome jewellery and clothes for the themed parties we have.

It’s an interesting crowd, to say the very least. Communicating in a mix of English, French and the local dialect of Arabic, we don’t always understand each other but the one thing that we can all relate to is being a foreigner in Morocco, and all the good and all the bad that that entails. It’s the common thread that pulls us together and we appreciate each other for simply being in (not to mention putting up with the oddities of) this country.

Polish Rabat

I will try to explain this post but it may be only funny for people who speak Polish.

I found some hilarious names of the restaurants/cafes/bars in Rabat. They seemed totally Polish. I was always planning to take a pic of them but never actually did it. Luckily, during my last night in Rabat, we were coming back from my 3rd bye bye party at Houda's villa in Hay Riad and we passed one of the places. I told my friends in the car that I had been always planning to take a photo of the sign above the entrance but it had always remained unrealized. Right after that, Christopher just silently grabbed his camera and took a shot of "Sandwichs Renata" (should be of course "sandwiches"). Renata is a Polish name that I associate with women in their thirties, fourties or fifties who already have children. I totally don't know why I have these associations. Moreover, I've never heard anyone non-Polish whose name was Renata so it seems only Polish. Renata sells her sandwichs (no "e") between Agdal and Centre-Ville just in front of the roundabout near the stadium of Ibn Issina.
















I also found "Café Glacier Halinka". Halinka is a nickname of Halina (the same relation as John-Johny) and I have the same associations as with Renata. You can have a coffee chez Halinka in the Centre-Ville when you go from le Septième Art towards the train station and take the first left towards Hassan. Halinka will be on your left.

There is also "Taki Chicken" (meaning literally "that kind of chicken" / "that chicken"). It's also in the Centre-Ville on the Mohammed V Avenue near Hotel Balima. If you stand back to Balima and face to the Parliament, you will see "Taki Chicken" on your right.

I just have pics of Renata but I promise I will take the other ones (hoping to still find them there) once I'm back in Rabat. Or maybe someone can take the pics for me and facebook them?

what I really miss

You might be surprised after reading that but I did enjoy myself last Friday when I went out with my friends in Sopot. Yes, I'm admitting that I had a fabulous night in Poland.

Now, you should know what happened and what is more important which factors made me feel so great.

My Moroccan friend (Tima from AIESEC in Morocco working for Reuters in Gdynia; we met last June in Rabat and 2 months later she went on an internship to Poland) who lives in Poland invited me over to Gdynia (a city where I used to live for 1,5 year before going to Morocco) so that we could go to party in Sopot (one of the best city in Poland to party; the city where I study). We did some clubbing in Sopot partying in 69 and Mandarynka with her friends (from Portugal, Ecuador, Russia, Venezuela, China, South Africa/Poland, Finland and some more that I didn't even have chance to talk to). The music and the atmosphere were just fantastic.

I felt awesome. Why? Because for a while, I had the impression that I was back in Rabat. It was not the fact I was in Poland that made me feel so good. And it was not the fact that I was in the country of Morocco that I enjoyed partying there so much. To be honest, I never fully enjoyed a Moroccan party - a wedding, a baby party or a normal disco with Moroccan or Arabic music. A party only with Moroccans would not be a good idea either (although I miss Morocco a lot I still remember how not understanding Arabic and at the same time having to listen it pisses me off). I only enjoyed parties in Rabat because they were full of great and interesting people (mostly expats but always some very cool Moroccans too), good music and amazing atmosphere.

I may surprise you but there is not that much about the country itself (e.g. like Moroccan mentality of the majority, the working culture, the cuisine) that I really miss. When I say I really miss Morocco I rather mean my lifestyle there, the parties, the conversations and of course certain people.

I also didn't enjoy the Friday party because it had something to do with Poland. I didn't have a lot if anything. It just reminded me about the lifestyle I used to have and than I will hopefully have soon.

What I really miss are the things and people that type I can find in many places all over the world. Not only in Morocco. They are usually much more easy accessible to expats. And I'm not an expat in Poland so that's why I feel so happy abroad. The amount of unbelievable people I met or things I did when I was spending one year in Morocco is just so much bigger than here in Poland ever before during 23 years I had spent here. I want to live abroad not because Poland really sucks. It does suck but every single country sucks in its own way. Morocco was never perfect for me. And probably none of the places will ever be. However, I still think living abroad is more fun for me. Only because, I have some expectations that can be more easily fulfilled overseas.

This is so weird but when I'm abroad I love when I look like a local person but at the same time I love the fact that I am not local. And when these two things are combined it's just perfect.

I bitch a lot about Poland but what really annoys me is mostly generated inside me. It's the comparison of what I want and what I see around. It's extremely subjective (there are really few things that are objective). And that's funny but I always tend to blame the place where I am for my ups and downs. I would always say "I hate this country (speaking about Morocco) - wtf am I doing here?" or "I love Morocco - I am so lucky that I am in Morocco!" depending on my mood. I would always use the term "Morocco" when I was up and "this country" when I was down. I often laughed at myself saying that I wake up pissed off and go to bed happy. My mood was changing within one day from very sad to very happy.

I also express my highly negative feelings about my stay here because:
-I'm back in my hometown that I like when I'm not here or when I'm no longer than 2 days in a row; and I have to be here 10 weeks so don't expect me to be happy,
-I have a shitty job here for these few weeks,
-none of my friends is here,
-I'm broke so even traveling or partying elsewhere is not that easy,
-I need to write my thesis instead of doing something more exciting,
Well, you can say that I shouldn't have come here but done something else. I rethought it many times before and the result was: "Kamil, the best solution for your poor financial situation and your studies is to be here with your parents and spend your summer here." It's the kind of things that we know we will not enjoy but we feel we have to do and are smart or the best in this certain moment.

To be honest, I guess I luckily feel better than when I came back. I accepted (that's the best word) the fact that I'm here. But I'm so looking forward to being in Brussels and no question about it!

C'est la fucking vie or rather c'est le fucking moi! :)

Rabat, Morocco

don't get me down, svp

I find it really sad that some people seem to be annoyed or even offended by the fact that I'm not having an easy time being back here. I hope I am wrong but I just feel that some of them expect me to get it over or not to express it loud or just be ok while I am not.

I simply miss the life I had in Morocco and the one I have now in Poland is not that cool. I know I will leave soon but until that day I will not be super happy here.

Maybe, instead of judging me, think for a while why I feel like this and if you really wanna help try to come up with an idea how this can be done more efficiently. Or simply don't do/say anything.

Some people just make me feel even worse.

PS I hope it's just my imagination and I misinterpret things.

I am not myself... but you are not yourself

"des amis et de martini - la seule façon de survivre Pologne"
This is the title of one of my Facebook albums pubilshed just after I got back to Poland and it means "friends and martini - the only way to survive Poland". The alcohol part is to some extent a joke (only to some extent:) of course but the friends no. Or at least I hoped so.

One of my friend who left Morocco for Poland a few weeks before me (having been there for slightly less than me) said she had lost most of her Polish friends when she came back to the country. It scared me because I didn't want to go thru the same. Hopefully, I'm not going to such an extent. However, I have noticed that it's not the same anymore. It's not the same as it used to be in the pre-Moroccan era.

I came back and I'm different than a year ago. I can't handle the country (it's better now though). Few people (or maybe no one?) here can really understand what I went thru even if they read my blog or heard the news directly from me. You must have just been there to know it. And my friends have probably changed in some ways as well. Or even if they haven't, they seem different to me probably because I look at them in a different way usually comparing with people I met in Morocco. And they have to deal with the different me which I won't be able to understand as well probably. It's not the case with all the people... hamdullah

Sometimes, I simply don't care but I wish I did...

And I really don't know what I should do...

Moroccan nostalgy comeback

Too many thougths on the fabulous past and on the shitty presence, too many photos seen on facebook, too many cool messages and e-mails received, too many blogs of people who are still there read, too many people left and voilà, here I go again. I have a harsh comeback of Moroccan nostalgy. It's been [only/already] 3 weeks and I have kind of accepted that I am not there anymore but I can't be as happy as I used to be there. I was deeply involved in all the stuff that I need to do here before going to Brussels and trying not to think but it's simply impossible.

Especially when you get messages like this:

"I wish you were still here though your ghost still floats around Rabat."
"All is well here, but the echo around the town and around the Kingdom is that you are sadly missed."
"You are lucky my love, you are remembered and loved by so many here..."

I am still in Rabat but not anymore there... and I really doubt anyone (at least here in this country called Poland) can understand me.


















My house was just a few steps left from the minaret (the tower of the mosque) ...

I belong in Dublin?

I found this funny quiz on line. Which European city do you belong in? My result is Dublin. I was rather surprised. I have never been there though so I can't judge whether it's right or not.

Nothing left to say but "kocham Cię jak Irlandię" (sorry for Polish - you can translate it here)

You Belong in Dublin

Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions. You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town.

What European City Do You Belong In?

you fade to gray

Poland is less and less exciting for me than ever. You must have figured it out from my previous post. I'm sure about that. I will give you a few examples though.

When I came back to Poland I spent my first 2 days in Krakow. I thought that choosing the most beautiful Polish city for first interactions with my motherland would make it more bearable. It wasn't. I was wandering within the historical downtown of Krakow and I wasn't excited anymore. I had some feelings when I was in the suburbs seeing huge blocks of flats. But these were not positive feelings as you may guess.

Then on Monday, I went to Sopot and Gdansk. When I was 17 I was crazy about these places. I so wanted to get there whenever I could. I went to study there at the age of 19. At that point it was slightly less exciting than 2 years before but I still liked it. On Monday and yesterday, it was only saddening and depressing. When I got off the suburban train (SKM) in Sopot and saw the most beautiful street there (the street of the Heros of Monte Cassino) I thought "wow! that's not that bad. I would love to take some of my international friends there and show them around". But then I realized that most of the cities I saw within last year (Paris, Madrid, Rabat, Lisbon, Istanbul etc) have downtowns comprised of such streets and in Sopot there is just one. I don't feel like going there anymore unless to see my friends.

Luckily, my Polish friends (although much different than Rabati ones) are still fabulous:)

traveling back to the past

My friend Mona once told me "Kamil, you are a person with the future and with the past. You don't have the presence. You barely enjoy what is now." That's kind of truth. I usually have some nostalgy about the past and I value it more than when it was presence. And I always have a lot of plans for the future that makes me work and achieve them.

Now that I came back to Poland I was scared to discover that I don't even enjoy the past. Yesterday, I went to my university and I felt as if I traveled back in time. I didn't like this feeling. I want to be done with my studies as soon as possible and going there or thinking about it doesn't make me feel better. Yesterday I felt as if I were again in 2007 or earlier.

The second day after I got home I opened all my boxes with my stuff. It was brought from the apartment where I lived for 1.5 year just before I went to Morocco. That was a real travel back in time. I even forgot about some of the things I had. I felt overwhelmed by all these things. It terrified me. I threw away most of the stuff. I gave away majority of my clothes.

Then I asked myself a question - why am I so uncomfortable with my past? It was for sure more boring period than Morocco but I achieved a lot. I did a lot of good things. So why do I want to cut off the past? As if my life was just about to start right now.

I feel bad because I have so many bad feelings about Poland. I feel I never want to leave here anymore (I felt the same most of the time when I was in Morocco but now it's just so much stronger). Why do I feel so negative about the country where I spent all my life? Why do I find it impossible to live here for good?

I guess my feelings will calm down once I am in Belgium but will I always be so angry whenever I visit Poland?