I will be in Belgium on Friday, Aug 29. This will be a significant turning point in my life. Maybe, even more crucial that the day when I went to Morocco. On va voir.
I simply cannot wait to get there!
I wanted to write that until that day I will suffer 63 miserable days in Poland but I truly hope that they won't be so miserable. I will do my best to change my attitude in order to survive.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
post-Moroccan reality - day 2
I am craving for interactions with foreigners. Today me and my cousins went to the centre of Krakow (I didn't enjoy the downtown as much as I always used to; however the grey parts of the town and the outskirts were much more annoying than usually). We were sitting and eating ice-creams and I heard two American girls talking next to me. I so wanted to speak to them but didn't have the courage to start any conversation. I remember that I was always nice to random Moroccans speaking to me on the streets but I was not very comfortable about that. Not so much willing to carry on the conversation. Appropriately nice but a bit cold. And I didn't wanna be treated like this so today I just didn't do anything. Hopefully, this weekend or next week I will meet a Moroccan friend of mine having an internship in my city. I will be able to speak English, French and Arabic. Maybe she will bring some international friends and inshallah I won't be surronded by the sound of Polish.
And tomorrow, my dear friend Agata will pick me up from the train station (cause my parents didn't want to do it - no comments) and we will go to my place. She's gonna stay chez moi for one night. I am planning to continue the Moroccan tradition of drinking gin avec tonic. It will help me to handle the reality.
I miss Morocco.
I can't believe I'm not there. I AM JUST NOT THERE ANYMORE...
:(
And tomorrow, my dear friend Agata will pick me up from the train station (cause my parents didn't want to do it - no comments) and we will go to my place. She's gonna stay chez moi for one night. I am planning to continue the Moroccan tradition of drinking gin avec tonic. It will help me to handle the reality.
I miss Morocco.
I can't believe I'm not there. I AM JUST NOT THERE ANYMORE...
:(
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
life is not a movie here
In the last post, I wanted to be positive at the end. I can't be positive here in Poland although I am trying.
I know that right now, I'm very subjective and under lots of emotions. However, what I feel today is "I hate Poland".
It was at the airport in Barcelona when I saw bunches of Polish people speaking Polish. I found it extremely annoying. I realized that Poles are uglier than Arabs. And the country is uglier too. The landscapes are ok but the architectureis disgusting. I am objective. One of the ladies was trying to convince me to start selling some stupid healthy food and teas. Wtf? Welcome to Poland!
I haven't meet any foreigners yet - my first thought (you're gonna kill me for that but that was what went through my mind) - the Russian-Prussian-Austrian occupation in XIX century was not that bad. At least, it was multicultural... (I will burn in hell for writing that).
People I have met so far are so boring. Maybe nice but extremely dull. I'm at my family's place in Krakow (the most beautiful Polish city). I wanna go back home to the North to meet my friends. I was happy to fly to Krakow because I thought it would be easier to handle Poland in such a nice city. I forgot that it's not about places but about people although it was not always the case in Morocco. I guess the only thing I will enjoy here are my friends. My parents have already pissed me off for saying to me that they will not pick me up from the train station and bring home. Again I can count on me friends more than on my family (thank you Agatka!! love you!!)
The new people I met here today are bunch of my cousin's friend who once went together to Koln, Germany for some Catholic gathering/meeting... Wtf?
Where are all the Moroccan expats that I love? Those with whom I could have a conversation about politics, cultures, life, relationships, sex. With whom I could joke and have fabulous parties. Where are you guys? I miss you so much.
Hamdullah, I have some friends here. That's the only thing that will make me survive here.
It's not gonna be cool back in home. I will have the summer job that I don't like and I will have to write me thesis. Not exciting at all.
I can't believe I'm not in Al Maghrib anymore. I can't see the Ocean from my roof. I can't take the train to Casablanca. There are no cheap blue cabs. I can't walk on Av Mohammed V. I can't hear the lady announcing the trains. I loved her voice and both versions of the info - French and Arabic. I miss speaking French and some Arabic that I know. I miss speaking English. I miss the weather. I miss the big waves of the Ocean and the salty water. I miss le Grand Comptoir, Yacout, Bert's and Pietri. I miss Agdal and Centre-Ville. I miss walking around the Hassan Tour at night. I miss the expats community and the theme parties. I miss all my friends. And especially You...
Life is not a movie here. There is a summer break and no movie shooting for the moment.
The shooting will be restarted on the last days of August in Brussels. I can't wait to star there :) Two months to wait.
I know that right now, I'm very subjective and under lots of emotions. However, what I feel today is "I hate Poland".
It was at the airport in Barcelona when I saw bunches of Polish people speaking Polish. I found it extremely annoying. I realized that Poles are uglier than Arabs. And the country is uglier too. The landscapes are ok but the architectureis disgusting. I am objective. One of the ladies was trying to convince me to start selling some stupid healthy food and teas. Wtf? Welcome to Poland!
I haven't meet any foreigners yet - my first thought (you're gonna kill me for that but that was what went through my mind) - the Russian-Prussian-Austrian occupation in XIX century was not that bad. At least, it was multicultural... (I will burn in hell for writing that).
People I have met so far are so boring. Maybe nice but extremely dull. I'm at my family's place in Krakow (the most beautiful Polish city). I wanna go back home to the North to meet my friends. I was happy to fly to Krakow because I thought it would be easier to handle Poland in such a nice city. I forgot that it's not about places but about people although it was not always the case in Morocco. I guess the only thing I will enjoy here are my friends. My parents have already pissed me off for saying to me that they will not pick me up from the train station and bring home. Again I can count on me friends more than on my family (thank you Agatka!! love you!!)
The new people I met here today are bunch of my cousin's friend who once went together to Koln, Germany for some Catholic gathering/meeting... Wtf?
Where are all the Moroccan expats that I love? Those with whom I could have a conversation about politics, cultures, life, relationships, sex. With whom I could joke and have fabulous parties. Where are you guys? I miss you so much.
Hamdullah, I have some friends here. That's the only thing that will make me survive here.
It's not gonna be cool back in home. I will have the summer job that I don't like and I will have to write me thesis. Not exciting at all.
I can't believe I'm not in Al Maghrib anymore. I can't see the Ocean from my roof. I can't take the train to Casablanca. There are no cheap blue cabs. I can't walk on Av Mohammed V. I can't hear the lady announcing the trains. I loved her voice and both versions of the info - French and Arabic. I miss speaking French and some Arabic that I know. I miss speaking English. I miss the weather. I miss the big waves of the Ocean and the salty water. I miss le Grand Comptoir, Yacout, Bert's and Pietri. I miss Agdal and Centre-Ville. I miss walking around the Hassan Tour at night. I miss the expats community and the theme parties. I miss all my friends. And especially You...
Life is not a movie here. There is a summer break and no movie shooting for the moment.
The shooting will be restarted on the last days of August in Brussels. I can't wait to star there :) Two months to wait.
Monday, June 23, 2008
387 days and the counting has stopped...
I have just left Morocco.
It was more difficult than I supposed. Because of the people of course.
The last episode of the 5 season of the TV series `Kamil in Morocco` was simply unbelievable. Actually, the whole TV show was amazing but I must admit that the last season (called `the best things come at the end`) was the most exciting. Life in Morocco would never ever stop surprising me. As if the number of magnificent surprises was unlimited. As if there was no end.
Yesterday, my wonderful friends came for my 3rd bye bye party thrown by my dear Houda (cool to have 3 bye bye parties, isn´t it?). I just couldn`t stop my tears when they were leaving at the end one by one. It`s been a long time since I cried so much before. And so it was today in the morning when I was on the train leaving Rabat. Or on the plane when for the last time I saw the building of the Mohammed V Airport or the palm trees. The palm trees were the first things that I saw when I came to Morocco more than a year ago. So many tears... for all my friends but especially for this one person...
But I am happy. I know I will return to Morocco often. That`s my other home now. And secondly, I know I will see ALL THE PEOPLE that I miss so much. I will see them within a few months. Somewhere in Europe or again in Morocco or elsewhere.
It`s the end of an era but it`s also beginning of something new :)
It was more difficult than I supposed. Because of the people of course.
The last episode of the 5 season of the TV series `Kamil in Morocco` was simply unbelievable. Actually, the whole TV show was amazing but I must admit that the last season (called `the best things come at the end`) was the most exciting. Life in Morocco would never ever stop surprising me. As if the number of magnificent surprises was unlimited. As if there was no end.
Yesterday, my wonderful friends came for my 3rd bye bye party thrown by my dear Houda (cool to have 3 bye bye parties, isn´t it?). I just couldn`t stop my tears when they were leaving at the end one by one. It`s been a long time since I cried so much before. And so it was today in the morning when I was on the train leaving Rabat. Or on the plane when for the last time I saw the building of the Mohammed V Airport or the palm trees. The palm trees were the first things that I saw when I came to Morocco more than a year ago. So many tears... for all my friends but especially for this one person...
But I am happy. I know I will return to Morocco often. That`s my other home now. And secondly, I know I will see ALL THE PEOPLE that I miss so much. I will see them within a few months. Somewhere in Europe or again in Morocco or elsewhere.
It`s the end of an era but it`s also beginning of something new :)
Monday, June 16, 2008
life is a TV series
My friend Mona and I used to like comparing our Moroccan experience to a TV series. They are usually clearly divided into seasons so I have decided to try to split my year in Morocco into seasons.
Season 1 - "the first taste and enjoyment", aired between Jun and Aug 2007
I came to Morocco on Jun 2, 2007. The last week in Poland before departure was kind of tough. I was scared of leaving (although I had been very excited about that earlier). The last day was the worst because I was super stressed when packing, dealing with different stuff and saying good bye to some people. Everything within my last few hours in Poland. Then the plane took off and I landed in Germany where I spent 18 hours at the airport. Not fun at all. But only when the plan from Frankfurt landed in Fes all my fears totally dispersed. I got so excited when the heat wave hit me on the runway of Fes airport and when at the same time I saw the palm trees that I love until now and I will always love them. Everything was so different and exciting from the very first day. The flat I lived in was full of parties and international people (see the movie l'Auberge Espagnol to understand the life I had there). I enjoyed it a lot given the fact the people were really cool. Within that season, I got to know many cool people, travel around Morocco a lot and do lots of other cool stuff. 'May these networks last forever' became my favorite quote. In the middle of August, I went to participate in the AIESEC conference in Turkey but in fact I was so comfortbale in Morocco that I didn't feel like leaving at all. I came back from the conference and was still extremely excited. But this time I was more excited about Turkey and what happened to my there than about Morocco. My excitement about Morocco was over. It was not that I started hating the country but I was just not that into it anymore. The hating part came later.
Season 2 - "I'm ready to jump", aired from Sep to mid Nov 2007
This season started just after coming back from the conference in Turkey. The flat got much emptier because a lot of people left. Soon, new interns arrived but it took me a while to get used to them and even then it wasn't the same as in the summer. It was the period when I was the most devoted to AIESEC work (impacted by the conference in Turkey) and I was strongly thinking of staying in AIESEC for another year after my experience in Morocco. This period was not very exciting but still I could enjoy the country. In the middle of November I went to France to extend my visa and I took part in the French National Confernce of AIESEC.
Season 3 - "the dark ages", aired from mid Nov 2007 until end of Jan 2008
I came back from France and the flat was almost empty. Just one trainee - Catarina and me were living there. Other trainees either left the country or moved out somewhere else within Rabat. The weather was getting worse and the temperature was slowly dropping each day. The flat was huge, cold and empty. I also started having some financial problems especially after spending some extra money in France and then in December being robbed in Madrid. I was literally cashless and hardly making ends meet. A few times some people asked me why I was staying in Morocco at that point when I wasn't enjoying my experience at all. I looked very unhappy there. I couldn't find a good answer but was sure that moving to another country or coming back to Poland would not resolve anything at all. I decided not to leave although I was constantly unhappy. At the end of January, I started preparation to leave the apartment in Hassan because it was empty and too expensive (the one I moved into straight after getting to Morocco). It was lots of work and most of it I did by myself. It was awful and I just wanted to leave (not only the apartment but the country too). And it finally happened (I left the flat after 8 months of living there). And it was a big relief. It was the end of the down period.
Season 4 - "back on track", aired in Feb and Mar 2008
I moved into a small flat with cockroaches in a very traditional area of Rabat not far from my office. The conditions were much worse than in the other apartment but somehow I liked it much more than the previous place. The anti-cockroach war turned out to be a lot of fun. My Moroccan flat mate (I had just one) seemed very cool. I got to like the neighborhood too although before having moved in there, I would have said I would never be able to live in such a place. My financial situation got better too. Everything started slowly improving. In the middle of Feb, I had this fabulous trip to Marrakech with the swimming pool as the main attraction. It was really great although some people (including me) got robbed there. We all suspected my flat mate so after that I decided to leave the flat. I moved out in the middle of this season to the Oudayas - an old fortress on the hill by the river and by the Atlantic Ocean. The roof of the house was overlooking the big part of Rabat, the Ocean, the river and the neighboring city Sale. It was amazing. One of the most important thing about this season was the fact the I was an extra in a Hollywood movie (the Green Zone with Matt Damon - to be released in the cinemas in 2009). Despite the fact of meeting a lot of cool people there and in general having a lot of fun, I earned a lot of money thanks to which I could party party party and travel :)
Season 5 - "the best things come at the end", aired from Apr to Jun 2008
I think that the beginning of this season (that should be mainly associated with crazy parties) can be the 28 Mar 2008. On that day, I got a call from PwC Brussels saying I was accepted for the internship starting from September. That was literally one of the happiest days of my life. It was a reward and a summary of my last 5 years. I got a dream job in a great city. The new part of my life was about to start. So on that day, I had a wonderful dinner with my two great friends - Sophia and Jihane. Then me and Sophia went to le Grand Comptoir and Yacout. I spent there lots of newly earned money (mainly on gin and tonic) and had a blast. Le Grand Comptoir, Yacout and gin tonic started to be the symbols of the fifth season. On 4 Apr I turned 24 and the next day I threw a huge birthday party. I didn't know more than half of the people that came for the party. It turned out to be very amazing and full of expats of Rabat and Casablanca. This party actually introduced me more to the fabulous expats community that is the most enjoyable part of my Moroccan experience. The amount of amazing expats with whom I had connection straight away was also unbelievable. The season 5 was full of hanging out on great international parties all over Rabat and Casablanca. Life didn't stop keeping my surprised all the time. It was as if the amount of surprises and great things was unlimited. Even the last episode of the season 5 that started just last Monday has been amazing. My love and hate relationship with Morocco starts to be only love. And not only with Morocco...
Season 1 - "the first taste and enjoyment", aired between Jun and Aug 2007
I came to Morocco on Jun 2, 2007. The last week in Poland before departure was kind of tough. I was scared of leaving (although I had been very excited about that earlier). The last day was the worst because I was super stressed when packing, dealing with different stuff and saying good bye to some people. Everything within my last few hours in Poland. Then the plane took off and I landed in Germany where I spent 18 hours at the airport. Not fun at all. But only when the plan from Frankfurt landed in Fes all my fears totally dispersed. I got so excited when the heat wave hit me on the runway of Fes airport and when at the same time I saw the palm trees that I love until now and I will always love them. Everything was so different and exciting from the very first day. The flat I lived in was full of parties and international people (see the movie l'Auberge Espagnol to understand the life I had there). I enjoyed it a lot given the fact the people were really cool. Within that season, I got to know many cool people, travel around Morocco a lot and do lots of other cool stuff. 'May these networks last forever' became my favorite quote. In the middle of August, I went to participate in the AIESEC conference in Turkey but in fact I was so comfortbale in Morocco that I didn't feel like leaving at all. I came back from the conference and was still extremely excited. But this time I was more excited about Turkey and what happened to my there than about Morocco. My excitement about Morocco was over. It was not that I started hating the country but I was just not that into it anymore. The hating part came later.
Season 2 - "I'm ready to jump", aired from Sep to mid Nov 2007
This season started just after coming back from the conference in Turkey. The flat got much emptier because a lot of people left. Soon, new interns arrived but it took me a while to get used to them and even then it wasn't the same as in the summer. It was the period when I was the most devoted to AIESEC work (impacted by the conference in Turkey) and I was strongly thinking of staying in AIESEC for another year after my experience in Morocco. This period was not very exciting but still I could enjoy the country. In the middle of November I went to France to extend my visa and I took part in the French National Confernce of AIESEC.
Season 3 - "the dark ages", aired from mid Nov 2007 until end of Jan 2008
I came back from France and the flat was almost empty. Just one trainee - Catarina and me were living there. Other trainees either left the country or moved out somewhere else within Rabat. The weather was getting worse and the temperature was slowly dropping each day. The flat was huge, cold and empty. I also started having some financial problems especially after spending some extra money in France and then in December being robbed in Madrid. I was literally cashless and hardly making ends meet. A few times some people asked me why I was staying in Morocco at that point when I wasn't enjoying my experience at all. I looked very unhappy there. I couldn't find a good answer but was sure that moving to another country or coming back to Poland would not resolve anything at all. I decided not to leave although I was constantly unhappy. At the end of January, I started preparation to leave the apartment in Hassan because it was empty and too expensive (the one I moved into straight after getting to Morocco). It was lots of work and most of it I did by myself. It was awful and I just wanted to leave (not only the apartment but the country too). And it finally happened (I left the flat after 8 months of living there). And it was a big relief. It was the end of the down period.
Season 4 - "back on track", aired in Feb and Mar 2008
I moved into a small flat with cockroaches in a very traditional area of Rabat not far from my office. The conditions were much worse than in the other apartment but somehow I liked it much more than the previous place. The anti-cockroach war turned out to be a lot of fun. My Moroccan flat mate (I had just one) seemed very cool. I got to like the neighborhood too although before having moved in there, I would have said I would never be able to live in such a place. My financial situation got better too. Everything started slowly improving. In the middle of Feb, I had this fabulous trip to Marrakech with the swimming pool as the main attraction. It was really great although some people (including me) got robbed there. We all suspected my flat mate so after that I decided to leave the flat. I moved out in the middle of this season to the Oudayas - an old fortress on the hill by the river and by the Atlantic Ocean. The roof of the house was overlooking the big part of Rabat, the Ocean, the river and the neighboring city Sale. It was amazing. One of the most important thing about this season was the fact the I was an extra in a Hollywood movie (the Green Zone with Matt Damon - to be released in the cinemas in 2009). Despite the fact of meeting a lot of cool people there and in general having a lot of fun, I earned a lot of money thanks to which I could party party party and travel :)
Season 5 - "the best things come at the end", aired from Apr to Jun 2008
I think that the beginning of this season (that should be mainly associated with crazy parties) can be the 28 Mar 2008. On that day, I got a call from PwC Brussels saying I was accepted for the internship starting from September. That was literally one of the happiest days of my life. It was a reward and a summary of my last 5 years. I got a dream job in a great city. The new part of my life was about to start. So on that day, I had a wonderful dinner with my two great friends - Sophia and Jihane. Then me and Sophia went to le Grand Comptoir and Yacout. I spent there lots of newly earned money (mainly on gin and tonic) and had a blast. Le Grand Comptoir, Yacout and gin tonic started to be the symbols of the fifth season. On 4 Apr I turned 24 and the next day I threw a huge birthday party. I didn't know more than half of the people that came for the party. It turned out to be very amazing and full of expats of Rabat and Casablanca. This party actually introduced me more to the fabulous expats community that is the most enjoyable part of my Moroccan experience. The amount of amazing expats with whom I had connection straight away was also unbelievable. The season 5 was full of hanging out on great international parties all over Rabat and Casablanca. Life didn't stop keeping my surprised all the time. It was as if the amount of surprises and great things was unlimited. Even the last episode of the season 5 that started just last Monday has been amazing. My love and hate relationship with Morocco starts to be only love. And not only with Morocco...
love and hate relationship
I think I have never directly mentioned the only serious relationship that I have had here. It is a very toxic relationship. It is love and hate relationship. I am not the only one who has such a thing here. There is more of us who have to deal with ups and downs of this bizarre thing. On June 2, me and my partner celebrated our first anniversary. I was happy that 2008 was a leap-year because it gave us one extra day to love each other. Or to hate each other. Do you know who I am speaking about?
It is me and Morocco. It was love at first sight. We were very happy at the beginning but then things got a bit complicated. We had serious problems around 6 months ago and I was almost about to break up but in the end I decided to give it a chance although people were asking me why I wanted to stay in a relationship that was constantly making me unhappy. Luckily it got much better soon after that. It was fabulous.
You would like to hear "and they lived happily ever after" but it is not the case here. As many people say nothing can last forever. Yesterday around 2 AM, I was on the train back to Rabat thinking of the last days I would spend in Morocco (or with Morocco). I was listening to my mp3 player when it suddenly played Nelly Furtado's "All good things come to an end". There was no better moment but then to hear this song.
As I have just said my relationship with Morocco is kind of mix of feelings. Sometimes I love it and cannot start thinking of leaving. Sometimes I hate it. There are days when me and Morocco have a good time, but on the other hand sometimes we are just fed up with each other thinking of a divorce. But I am sure that by the end, Morocco will be crying and cursing me for my betrayal with Belgium... However, even if I manage to have a long term relationship with Belgium I am sure I will have a small love affair with Morocco from time to time or a one night stand (since the flights are so cheap)... For sure, Morocco will have a special place in my heart and I will always think of it as my exotic lover. Out of all my loves that I have had in my short life I think this one is the first real and the true one. And one never forgets their true love.
But as I have mentioned it is a love and hate relationship. So then, it has to be a toxic relationship. Not a healthy one at all. And no matter how much you love, you have to finish it before it changes you in a bad way and negatively affects you. And so will it happen within the few next days. There will be a break-up. After more than a year of a passionate relationship the break-up is for sure going to be painful. There is going to be tears and crying. There is going to be a drama! Life is never going to be the same anymore afterwards.
But! This time, we will remain friends. It is so difficult to be friends after a love and hate relationship. We will succeed however and most probably we will even be friends with benefits (if you know what I mean:)
Le Maroc! Je t'adore!!!
PS and that's what my mp3 player played while writing this post:
It must have been love, but it's over now
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without
It must have been love, but it's over now
It's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows
It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out
It is me and Morocco. It was love at first sight. We were very happy at the beginning but then things got a bit complicated. We had serious problems around 6 months ago and I was almost about to break up but in the end I decided to give it a chance although people were asking me why I wanted to stay in a relationship that was constantly making me unhappy. Luckily it got much better soon after that. It was fabulous.
You would like to hear "and they lived happily ever after" but it is not the case here. As many people say nothing can last forever. Yesterday around 2 AM, I was on the train back to Rabat thinking of the last days I would spend in Morocco (or with Morocco). I was listening to my mp3 player when it suddenly played Nelly Furtado's "All good things come to an end". There was no better moment but then to hear this song.
As I have just said my relationship with Morocco is kind of mix of feelings. Sometimes I love it and cannot start thinking of leaving. Sometimes I hate it. There are days when me and Morocco have a good time, but on the other hand sometimes we are just fed up with each other thinking of a divorce. But I am sure that by the end, Morocco will be crying and cursing me for my betrayal with Belgium... However, even if I manage to have a long term relationship with Belgium I am sure I will have a small love affair with Morocco from time to time or a one night stand (since the flights are so cheap)... For sure, Morocco will have a special place in my heart and I will always think of it as my exotic lover. Out of all my loves that I have had in my short life I think this one is the first real and the true one. And one never forgets their true love.
But as I have mentioned it is a love and hate relationship. So then, it has to be a toxic relationship. Not a healthy one at all. And no matter how much you love, you have to finish it before it changes you in a bad way and negatively affects you. And so will it happen within the few next days. There will be a break-up. After more than a year of a passionate relationship the break-up is for sure going to be painful. There is going to be tears and crying. There is going to be a drama! Life is never going to be the same anymore afterwards.
But! This time, we will remain friends. It is so difficult to be friends after a love and hate relationship. We will succeed however and most probably we will even be friends with benefits (if you know what I mean:)
Le Maroc! Je t'adore!!!
PS and that's what my mp3 player played while writing this post:
It must have been love, but it's over now
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without
It must have been love, but it's over now
It's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows
It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out
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