"We may have been beset with local difficulties, but we were blissfully separated from our previous lives.
When the telephone rang, it would be our relatives or friends, rather than some annoying voice trying to sell a holiday or a pension. There were no computerized switchboards to deal with or parking meters, no gridlock traffic or triangular sandwiches with upmarket names. Certainly, there was language barrier, and a cultural one, but I found myself happier than I had been in years." (about moving from London to Casablanca)
"On the way home I asked Zohra how she had come to meet Mohammed the architect.
'Through the dental community,' she said." (about how things are always dealt with through the connections)
"Pamela said she had spent years living and traveling through the Mediterranean and North Africa. Much land passed beneath her feet, but her first love was always Morocco. She returned to the United States and opened a Moroccan restaurant in Los Angeles, but even that wasn't enough to satisfy her heart.
'One morning I packed it in,' she said quietly. 'I bought a one-way ticket, and arrived here with a pair of suitcases and my favorite traveling cat. I have never looked back.' (...)
'Whoever you are,' she said, 'Morocco takes you in. Before you know it, you have a home and friends, and you've forgotten your troubles.'"
"'Sometimes I pass it,' the countess said gently. 'I am curious, but I never ring the bell. The past is best left to itself. I find that when it touches the present, it vanishes like a forgotten dream.'"
"'You don't know how good we've got it here,' he said. 'The people are saints. Saints, I tell you!'
'But they never finish anything,' I said despondently. 'And now my workers are walking all over me.'
François cackled. 'They're good people,' he said warmly.
'I thought you hated them.'
'Are you mad?' he said. 'I love them.'' (the example of love and hate relationship)
"Had I the strength, I would have leapt up and throttled Hamza then and there. I was sick of the talk of the Jinns. To hell with the cultural sensitivity. We were all violently ill, and as usual, the Jinns were being blamed." (about the Jinns/ghosts who were believed by the guardians to be haunting the Caliph's house)
"Part of it was being in Africa. The sky was vast, the landscape severe and unrelenting. There was a sense that anything was possible, that I was no longer held back by the telescoped outlook of Europe."
"A sense that Casablanca had transgressed the boundaries originally set out for it by the French. It was a rare hybrid of a place, a hotchpotch of people from different corners of the same kingdom, thrown together in a great human stew. You never heard a word of praise for Casablanca. It was the butt of every joke, the place people came to but never admitted coming from. No one belonged there. But at the same time, we all belonged." (another example of love and hate relationship)
Monday, September 29, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
a friend or foe?
Was I actually blessed or cursed by the fact of going to Morocco and living there for one leap year and three weeks? Blessed, I may say, if I consider the people that I met (my habibi and all the friends), the parties I went to, the places I visited etc. On the other hand, however, I was cursed. I was shown a fabulous and thrilling lifestyle but one day I had to finish that and come back to Poland with too high expectations of re-establishing that in Brussels 10 weeks later. Those expectations have not been met yet and I am not sure if they ever going to be (I do hope so). Therefore, I guess Morocco was my friend (or even lover) and foe at the same time. After all, it is love and hate relationship so it involves extreme feelings.
All my work mates from here did not have such a great time abroad. And they are happier here than I. Even if I tell them what I went through they will never understand that. And maybe it’s better for them. At least they are not aware of the fact that their lives could be way more interesting. They don’t know that they can have more. And I was blessed but this is over – now I am cursed. I was shown the real life and it was taken from me. I am trying to get that back but with little results for the moment.
The only hope for me is the people. It’s actually always about the people. Logically speaking and being totally honest, Rabat is way more boring than Brussels. There is less internationals, more cultural restrictions and less places to go out. The reason why I enjoyed it more was because of the amazing individuals that I had met almost right away and that I kept meeting all the time within this leap year and three weeks. So therefore, the only manner to enlarge the excitement of my time here in Brussels is to meet great people. It might be difficult to meet the Rabati type but I do believe it is still possible. I guess I am doing pretty ok to achieve that and my plans for reaching that in the near future are also good – now, it’s only the time to put that into practice.
And then pray to remove the curse and apply the blessing. The blessing of having life is a movie – part deux bruxellois.
All my work mates from here did not have such a great time abroad. And they are happier here than I. Even if I tell them what I went through they will never understand that. And maybe it’s better for them. At least they are not aware of the fact that their lives could be way more interesting. They don’t know that they can have more. And I was blessed but this is over – now I am cursed. I was shown the real life and it was taken from me. I am trying to get that back but with little results for the moment.
The only hope for me is the people. It’s actually always about the people. Logically speaking and being totally honest, Rabat is way more boring than Brussels. There is less internationals, more cultural restrictions and less places to go out. The reason why I enjoyed it more was because of the amazing individuals that I had met almost right away and that I kept meeting all the time within this leap year and three weeks. So therefore, the only manner to enlarge the excitement of my time here in Brussels is to meet great people. It might be difficult to meet the Rabati type but I do believe it is still possible. I guess I am doing pretty ok to achieve that and my plans for reaching that in the near future are also good – now, it’s only the time to put that into practice.
And then pray to remove the curse and apply the blessing. The blessing of having life is a movie – part deux bruxellois.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
where's the fire?
I spent a nice weekend in Lisbon in Portugal. I hanged around in some cafés reading the amazing book "Caliph's House" by Tahir Shah (you have got to read it - I will write about it more I promise), walking within the centre and taking pics. I met a friend from Poland who came over here all the way from the city of of Vigo in Galicia in the North-Western part of Spain and then met a Portuguese friend of my good friend from Rabat. I had some cool time with both of them. I tasted some Portuguese cakes, Portuguese wine etc. The city is really gorgeous.
Normally, I should have been thrilled and excited about this trip. I ought to have been walking within the narrow streets staring up and around being amazed and totally swept by the city. I was not. It was not the case for me anymore. I felt ok, I felt good but my excitement was gone somewhere. There was no life is a movie moments.
I guess I am done with Europe. It's really weird to have realized especially when I see that 9 months ago the city of Lisbon inspired me to write how badly I had missed that continent. Now, the same city makes me express my totally opposite feelings. Am I a complete schizofrenic? In Morocco, I would be totally fed up with my experience in the morning and greatly excited in the evening or at night. At least I knew how to love it. Do I have two personalities? Or maybe way more than two? Will I be able to be happy out of Europe? Maybe, it's only not about it. Maybe it's me. And maybe I just miss my kind of people. Those with whom I can laugh, joke, have some SATC discussion or the intercultural conversations. Probably, it's the mix of everything.
A few years ago a few parts of the centre were completely smashed by a huge fire. I saw no fire this weekend.
Normally, I should have been thrilled and excited about this trip. I ought to have been walking within the narrow streets staring up and around being amazed and totally swept by the city. I was not. It was not the case for me anymore. I felt ok, I felt good but my excitement was gone somewhere. There was no life is a movie moments.
I guess I am done with Europe. It's really weird to have realized especially when I see that 9 months ago the city of Lisbon inspired me to write how badly I had missed that continent. Now, the same city makes me express my totally opposite feelings. Am I a complete schizofrenic? In Morocco, I would be totally fed up with my experience in the morning and greatly excited in the evening or at night. At least I knew how to love it. Do I have two personalities? Or maybe way more than two? Will I be able to be happy out of Europe? Maybe, it's only not about it. Maybe it's me. And maybe I just miss my kind of people. Those with whom I can laugh, joke, have some SATC discussion or the intercultural conversations. Probably, it's the mix of everything.
A few years ago a few parts of the centre were completely smashed by a huge fire. I saw no fire this weekend.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
"I just can't get you out of my head"
I am here in Vimeiro, Portugal in this fabulous and luxurious three-star hotel (this amount of star is a lot for me). I participate in the trainings to learn more about the area I work for. During the breaks I eat delicious food and I don't have to waste any time for preparing it. The room is cleaned everyday and I don't need to make the bed because the cleaning lady does it. I have a great view from the ocean. I can use the swimming pool (outdoor or indoor), sauna or hammam. I took part in some crazy and funny teambuilding games. I am going to spend the weekend in Lisbon and do whatever I want.
The people here are nice. But what's the point in that if I don't have any connection with them. They are all really nice but no connection whatsoever to have some cool conversations. I look out of the window and I see a great beach. I wish it could be the beach of Rabat near the Oudayas where I spent quite a lot of time with my friends talking and having fun. I also see the swimming pool and I wish it was the one from Marrakech (the trip to the Red City in February 2008) or any of those where I went for the swimming pool parties in Rabat (in Souissi last in August 2007 or in Hay Riad in May 2008).
Is this suffering right now sort of a payment for my fabulous life in Morocco that I had? If we are very happy at some point of our lives do we have to be sad in other points just to compensate it and balance? Or is it only because of the contrast and we feel how much we have lost? Can't we be happy more than a moment? At some point of my stay in Morocco I thought - "that's the beginning of happiness. I just have to survive my 2 months in Poland and that's all! Later I will be happy again!" I guess the moment of happiness was just that moment some months ago but not the period.
It's what Meryl Streep said in "the Hours"
I just hope she was not totally right...
The people here are nice. But what's the point in that if I don't have any connection with them. They are all really nice but no connection whatsoever to have some cool conversations. I look out of the window and I see a great beach. I wish it could be the beach of Rabat near the Oudayas where I spent quite a lot of time with my friends talking and having fun. I also see the swimming pool and I wish it was the one from Marrakech (the trip to the Red City in February 2008) or any of those where I went for the swimming pool parties in Rabat (in Souissi last in August 2007 or in Hay Riad in May 2008).
Is this suffering right now sort of a payment for my fabulous life in Morocco that I had? If we are very happy at some point of our lives do we have to be sad in other points just to compensate it and balance? Or is it only because of the contrast and we feel how much we have lost? Can't we be happy more than a moment? At some point of my stay in Morocco I thought - "that's the beginning of happiness. I just have to survive my 2 months in Poland and that's all! Later I will be happy again!" I guess the moment of happiness was just that moment some months ago but not the period.
It's what Meryl Streep said in "the Hours"
I just hope she was not totally right...
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
love and hate relationship – part deux
I guess you all know of my only one real relationship over the past year (until last June). It was with Morocco. It was love and hate at the same time. Sometimes it was only the latter or sometimes only the former – sometimes both at the same day. Usually hate in the morning and love in the evening and for sure at night. I could really feel the relationship because of those strong and extreme feelings. I would curse the Kingdom for the way certain things worked (or rather did not work whatsoever) there. I would praise it for the people I met, the conversations I had or the parties I went to. Or for the beautiful views, the avenues, the weather, the cheap cabs etc
Unfortunately, I do not belong to the kind of people who normally can appreciate what they have got at the certain moment. Although not always, I could do that in Morocco (probably more often than anywhere else where I had lived). Even after 12 months of my stay there, I could not sometimes believe that I was in that country. I would walk down the avenue of Mohammed V and could not understand how come I am really inhabitant of Rabat. Or when enjoying my time on the rooftops of the Kasbah des Oudayas, in le Grand Comptoir, Rick’s Café or le Pietri – life was like a glamorous Hollywood movie and I was aware of that at those certain moments.
That is all gone for the moment. It’s part of my memories, this blog or my friends with whom I am luckily in touch and whom I will eventually see within next months.
What is happening right now? I am in Belgium. There were a lot of fears within my last days in Poland right before heading for this experience (as it was in Morocco’s case). But there was no excitement upon arrival – or during the first days. It was not the same anymore. The first season is not as exciting as the one from the Moroccan TV series.
I have no extreme feelings about this country – no love, no hate. I am ok with being here – but what kind of feeling is this? Is it any? You don’t really live when you don’t feel anything. I don’t feel really great here. I don’t feel depressed and I don’t feel extremely happy. There are great places and I have some cool people – so why isn’t it the same or at least a similar thing anymore? There are thousands of expats here – way more than in the Kingdom’s capital. As I have noticed these expats are not the same here as there. As my Polish work mate here said people had come to Brussels mostly to make money. Not in all the cases for sure but still it’s the majority. And the people whom I met in Morocco were mostly for the change in the society, for their own self-development or simply to undergo an adventure.
I guess now that I will find more soul mates in complicated and difficult countries like Morocco than in countries where life is easier for ordinary people like in Belgium.
You may now be sure that I won’t stay here for too long. Unless the life becomes a movie again. Unless I move to a more exciting season. I do believe it will happen eventually. As my friend Stephanie says we always attract the same kind of people wherever we are or wherever we go. I do believe that there is my “species” somewhere here. I do believe that we have our own caves. I do believe that we all emit the same waves and signals so that we can find each other eventually. I didn’t happen right away in Morocco. So I’ve got to wait here.
If you want to understand my feelings better watch this part of an unquestionable masterpiece of art - the movie "The Hours". Morocco is for me what London is for her whereas Richmond is for her what anything else is for me... We are luckily for me not as similar - not to such huge extent...
"This is my right, this is the right of every human being. I choose not the suffocating anaesthetic of the suburbs, but the violent jolt of the capital, that is my choice. The meanest patient, yes, even the very lowest is allowed some say in the matter of her own prescription, thereby she defines her humanity. I wish for your sake I could be happy in this quietness..." - V. Woolf
"you cannot find peace by avoiding life" - V. Woolf
Unfortunately, I do not belong to the kind of people who normally can appreciate what they have got at the certain moment. Although not always, I could do that in Morocco (probably more often than anywhere else where I had lived). Even after 12 months of my stay there, I could not sometimes believe that I was in that country. I would walk down the avenue of Mohammed V and could not understand how come I am really inhabitant of Rabat. Or when enjoying my time on the rooftops of the Kasbah des Oudayas, in le Grand Comptoir, Rick’s Café or le Pietri – life was like a glamorous Hollywood movie and I was aware of that at those certain moments.
That is all gone for the moment. It’s part of my memories, this blog or my friends with whom I am luckily in touch and whom I will eventually see within next months.
What is happening right now? I am in Belgium. There were a lot of fears within my last days in Poland right before heading for this experience (as it was in Morocco’s case). But there was no excitement upon arrival – or during the first days. It was not the same anymore. The first season is not as exciting as the one from the Moroccan TV series.
I have no extreme feelings about this country – no love, no hate. I am ok with being here – but what kind of feeling is this? Is it any? You don’t really live when you don’t feel anything. I don’t feel really great here. I don’t feel depressed and I don’t feel extremely happy. There are great places and I have some cool people – so why isn’t it the same or at least a similar thing anymore? There are thousands of expats here – way more than in the Kingdom’s capital. As I have noticed these expats are not the same here as there. As my Polish work mate here said people had come to Brussels mostly to make money. Not in all the cases for sure but still it’s the majority. And the people whom I met in Morocco were mostly for the change in the society, for their own self-development or simply to undergo an adventure.
I guess now that I will find more soul mates in complicated and difficult countries like Morocco than in countries where life is easier for ordinary people like in Belgium.
You may now be sure that I won’t stay here for too long. Unless the life becomes a movie again. Unless I move to a more exciting season. I do believe it will happen eventually. As my friend Stephanie says we always attract the same kind of people wherever we are or wherever we go. I do believe that there is my “species” somewhere here. I do believe that we have our own caves. I do believe that we all emit the same waves and signals so that we can find each other eventually. I didn’t happen right away in Morocco. So I’ve got to wait here.
If you want to understand my feelings better watch this part of an unquestionable masterpiece of art - the movie "The Hours". Morocco is for me what London is for her whereas Richmond is for her what anything else is for me... We are luckily for me not as similar - not to such huge extent...
"This is my right, this is the right of every human being. I choose not the suffocating anaesthetic of the suburbs, but the violent jolt of the capital, that is my choice. The meanest patient, yes, even the very lowest is allowed some say in the matter of her own prescription, thereby she defines her humanity. I wish for your sake I could be happy in this quietness..." - V. Woolf
"you cannot find peace by avoiding life" - V. Woolf
Monday, September 15, 2008
bem-vindo a Portugal
It has been only two weeks that I got to Brussels and I have been sent to the neighbourhood of Lisbon (a charming city called Vimeiro) in Portugal. I will spend here almost two weeks getting to know more about the area I work for at my company, getting to know the people I work with and hanging out in Portugal. I am in a three-star hotel with a fabulous view on the Atlantic Ocean, a swimming pool and all the other luxurious facilities (after year in Morocco when sleeping in a 5 EUR hotels during travels). The weather is amazing, the food is great and I already managed to get some drinks for free :) Seems like a great place to be. If I only (hopefully) connect with people I am here with it is going to be great – and it is not difficult but also not that obvious in my case. I guess I am still in the phase of post-Moroccan reversed cultural shock and the rejection of my new country and experience. I hope I will be able to see some more positive things to summarize my stay in Portugal in about two weeks. I guess I need that in order to feel better and more aware of the fact that Moroccan movie is over. A new is started even if it’s not as exciting (yet!). I am pretty blessed with all I have in my life and it’s the thing that I don’t know how to enjoy it all the time. I hope it happens soon.
And see the latest album from Vimeiro, Portugal - there will be more soon!
And see the latest album from Vimeiro, Portugal - there will be more soon!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
"the world is mine"
On my first day to work I passed through a charming and picturesque suburbs of Brussels. There were a cute houses of some rich people I guess. I thought "I never wanna end like this (in the suburbs)". Then the next day I went to IKEA to buy some cheap bed sheets. I saw all the crap that people buy to put in their houses. I thought "Why do they all need this shit?". I had the same thoughts when I was in Warsaw one month ago. Now, I'm placed in Brussels. I'm equipped with a car and it's already too much for me. Thanks God it does not belong to me. And thanks God I'm not living in the suburbs but in the centre of the town. I'm in a walking distance from the EU area and from the historic centre.
Well, it's always pretty shaky and unclear with me but I don't feel like settling down in one place for the moment. The world is big and I still haven't seen most of the things it has to offer.
on the pre-movie-shooting stage
I have been in Brussels for more than a week. I started a new life. How is it going? Not as exciting as I thought. The city is nice but not exciting. No thrilling social life yet. The job is going fine but is a bit stressful from time to time (or I'm too stressed because I probably exaggerate). Driving my car in Brussels was hell during my first few days. Now, it's much better. I had a short but strong crisis somewhere in the middle of the week. It's much better now. I will go out tonight (third night in a row) although none of these gatherings was as great as some in Morocco. I guess it's just the matter of time and meeting new cool people.
I compared my feelings with the feelings that I had when I finished my first week in Morocco - It’s more than one week that I’m in Morocco and still I cannot believe that I’m here. Everything is just so amazing and different (...) Generally speaking, I like Morocco very much and enjoy every minute here. I didn’t have any breakdown, homesickness or depression. Today, after coming back from trip to Fes (exciting and exhausting), when I entered my flat I just felt like at home. It’s my new home for now. I cannot write it here. I was more happier then than now. Maybe, because that was my first international experience. Maybe, because the country was so different. Maybe, because I didn't have a serious 9 to 5 job there and life was so stressless. Or maybe because I didn't have so many high expectations as I have right now. Probably, a bit of all. But I know I need to change my expectations. Or maybe not the expectations themselves but I should definitely give them some time in order to be accomplished. Because they will be eventually.
I compared my feelings with the feelings that I had when I finished my first week in Morocco - It’s more than one week that I’m in Morocco and still I cannot believe that I’m here. Everything is just so amazing and different (...) Generally speaking, I like Morocco very much and enjoy every minute here. I didn’t have any breakdown, homesickness or depression. Today, after coming back from trip to Fes (exciting and exhausting), when I entered my flat I just felt like at home. It’s my new home for now. I cannot write it here. I was more happier then than now. Maybe, because that was my first international experience. Maybe, because the country was so different. Maybe, because I didn't have a serious 9 to 5 job there and life was so stressless. Or maybe because I didn't have so many high expectations as I have right now. Probably, a bit of all. But I know I need to change my expectations. Or maybe not the expectations themselves but I should definitely give them some time in order to be accomplished. Because they will be eventually.
No question about it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
