Have I won the battle? Am I successful? Well, if you look the goal-wise I'm definitely a winner. I have survived this period having realized all my goals (I wrote my thesis, saw most of my friends and family and partied with them, travelled a bit in Poland, got enough money for going to Brussels, found a room there, did all the paper work etc). However, if you look process-wise, I'm not sure if I'm 100% winner. It was painful to be here at the beginning (quite a long beginning) and I didn't cope with this in a good way. I was complaining a lot and it wasn't easy for others to deal with that. Strength as I recently realized is not only reaching the goals but also doing that in a brave way. I did the first thing but not always in a brave way.
Objectively looking, my stay here wasn't that bad. Yes, the beginning was very hard. No question. But later, the nice moment were happening more and more often. At some points I had a lot of fun. Thanks to my friends of course. Hamdullah for them! However, I keep thinking of Morocco and Rabat all the time. I'm there every and each day - walking on Mohammed V avenue, catching a blue cab, waiting for a train to Casablanca and listening to the bilingual train announcements, having a coffee at Bert's in Agdal, enjoying my breakfast on the rooftop of my Oudayas house overlooking the Atlantic Ocean, Bouregreg river, Salé, and Rabat downtown, grabbing gin tonic in Le Pietri or Le Grand Comptoir, passing through busy streets of the medina or walking lazily in MegaMall and watching the shop displays with exorbitant prices, taking the bus #1 to Souissi, going by car on John Kennedy avenue, crossing the streets with busy traffic in more dangerous way than Moroccans, eating my favorite avocado yoghurt and so on and so on. This is an endless list. This is also the past. However, the past that shaped the presence and the future. The past is here all the time. You can feel the presence of the past nearly every moment.
However, the future starts tomorrow while the presence ends. And a new love and hate relationship although the hating part will probably come later so let's not disturb ourselves with it.
Putting all the deep thoughts back I must say I am happy to be going to Brussels (which is not a surprise for you I am sure). And Poland is not that bad either. I kind of like it too. Probably because I'm leaving tomorrow. But also because I got used to living here and also managed to be surrounded and have fun with great people. And I am also stressed about leaving tomorrow. I have the pre-departure fever that sometimes makes me think "I should stay". It's normal however in my case. These are irrational thoughts and I don't take them into serious consideration. They show up whenever I travel there. Fuck them!
And sorry for randomness and mess of this post... I guess that the form doesn't matter today but the content only.
It's the end of a season and the beginning of a new one.
La vie commence d'être un film encore! A partir de demain!
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