Yes, I have been really upset recently. Too many confusions and thoughts on the future, two not really good weekends and boom! I am in a weirdly bad mood.
But hamdullah! (thanks God!) I still have the power to drive myself out of this shitty road. A few phrases from good friends or from ‘The Secret’, a few thoughts on who I am, what I have, where I live and travel and most of all whom I have in my life and right away it makes the view on my life and this world much more positive.
Life is great! Do not be afraid of taking certain decisions, especially those ones that you think will make you happy. Even if you are afraid of taking them. It is better to risk than to regret. The future is unpredictable and certain events are inevitable.
You do not need to know all the answers. Things around you change constantly and the ones that are unattainable now will not necessarily be this way later as time goes by. A lot of answers will come up themselves in the right time and they will be the good answers.
If you had a lot of successes by now why shouldn’t you have more of them later? It is not only about the luck but also about who you are, how you behave, what you do or who you are with. No matter where you are and what job you do you will always be you. Prepare a short plan but do not try to answer all your doubts. You will achieve what you want.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Truman sleeps
So here I am - almost 25 years old, sitting at the office of a well-known and world-wide recognized company, starting great career and earning good money while the storms of financial crisis destroy the reality around, taking advantages of the health insurance and the retirement plan, having experienced life in various destinations, being able to travel a lot, go out, socialize with people, not to forget - being in a great relationship, living an international life, having many friends all over the world and perspectives of living where I want to ...
The world is mine then, isn't it?
So why do I feel it is not mine? Why am I depressed and neurotic? Why do I feel that the financial crisis has transformed and is taking over me? One day I am happy with all I have and feel blessed the other day (like today) I curse it all? The job that, I do not think, is for me, the other job that, I think, is for me but I do not know what it is and whether I will be able to find it, the relations I am not sure will survive the distance, the will to live in different countries that, I am afraid, will destabilise and ruin my life and the will to stay in one place and settle down that, I am afraid, will kill me too. Recently, I do not have even willingness to try to figure things out and be strong to strive for what I want (what is it actually?). I fought persistently to achieve what I have just achieved and now I even do not know whether this is something what I want. Maybe I believed I needed that but 'what one wants is not necessarily what one needs...'
Am I just unable to appreciate what I have or really what I have is shit and I should change it for something better? Did all those years I fight for what I wanted without realizing it was something that I did not really need? Do I just have a bad day, bad week, bad year or maybe I simply manage my life badly? Do I make myself unhappy with the wrong choices or with not being able to appreciate the good choices and the great achievements.
This is so confusing... I need a good film.
The world is mine then, isn't it?
So why do I feel it is not mine? Why am I depressed and neurotic? Why do I feel that the financial crisis has transformed and is taking over me? One day I am happy with all I have and feel blessed the other day (like today) I curse it all? The job that, I do not think, is for me, the other job that, I think, is for me but I do not know what it is and whether I will be able to find it, the relations I am not sure will survive the distance, the will to live in different countries that, I am afraid, will destabilise and ruin my life and the will to stay in one place and settle down that, I am afraid, will kill me too. Recently, I do not have even willingness to try to figure things out and be strong to strive for what I want (what is it actually?). I fought persistently to achieve what I have just achieved and now I even do not know whether this is something what I want. Maybe I believed I needed that but 'what one wants is not necessarily what one needs...'
Am I just unable to appreciate what I have or really what I have is shit and I should change it for something better? Did all those years I fight for what I wanted without realizing it was something that I did not really need? Do I just have a bad day, bad week, bad year or maybe I simply manage my life badly? Do I make myself unhappy with the wrong choices or with not being able to appreciate the good choices and the great achievements.
This is so confusing... I need a good film.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Paris, Paris
Last weekend was just supposed to be a normal weekend in Brussels. No plans, no expectations. I was actually thinking of spending it to work on my thesis a bit, maybe cleaning (finally!) my room or doing some other boring stuff. I was thinking of spending February only in Belgium.
It did not work out. My boring plans were replaced by something way more exciting - Paris.
I was eating and getting ready (in the same time) for the ritual Thursday party at Havana when I got a call from Carolina, my Italian-Parisian friend recently living in Morocco but being in Paris for a few weeks. She was planning to see me in Brussels but eventually could not make it. So she invited me to Paris for the weekend. She said she would call me back on the next day to get the final decision from me. I had already known what I wanted to do but it remained unsaid. We spoke the next day and I said I would come over in the evening by car. She said 'by car? You're gonna be exhausted after driving for at least four hours' and I replied 'but it's cheaper than taking the exorbitantly expensive TGV and moreover I did the highway a few times and it's ok'. But she would not listen to me and decided to sponsor my trip by train as according to her 'she would pay the same amount if she decided to come to see me in Brussels'. Well, I agreed although I felt weird to let her pay that much...
After our conversation I went straight to the website of TGV and tried to book the train for the evening. For some reason I could not do that. There was an error popping up when I wanted to get the ticket for the train that was leaving three hours later. I was furious. I found their call-centre number and dialed it immediately. As usual a machine answered the phone and after annoying seconds (seemingly ages) of pushing some random button numbers I managed to be put through to a human being. I explained her the problem and she said she would book it for me. I was expecting to pay for the ticket at the train station but she asked me to give her my credit card number. I did that. It only later occurred to me it was not very smart but there was no time to waste. Luckily for me, it was my Polish bank account and it is always almost empty. I rushed home, packed, had a shower and watched one episode of SATC (to calm myself down). I left home at around seven PM, took metro, took the train (only one hour and twenty-two minutes!), took another metro and voilà! - I was at my friends place. I could not imagine that it can be so fast, simple (and expensive). When I arrived I had a dinner with Carolina, her boyfriend Philippe, his family and some more friends. It was nice but also hard for me to follow all the conversations in French.
The next day we all went out for a dinner to some of their friends. It was an uncommon experience. The dinner was hosted by a forty-something, devoted Catholic woman who wanted to celebrate the first free choice in her life - being able to decide what to do with her professional life without considering what others think or suggest which had normally been the case. I was very surprised that that warm and pretty extrovert person took her first step being twice older than me. The other guests included a priest (a former architect), a painter and a gospel singer in one and some other decent Catholic people. The dinner included a few hilarious moments e.g. the priest asking the singer to sing a prayer song just before eating. She started but she forgot the lyrics in the middle so we did not finish that. There was also a lot of talk on different saints, canonizations and beatifications. I could not stop laughing when Carolina's atheist boyfriend Philippe was asked some question and not wanting to be rude he just started replying something with a face expression showing a mixture of confusions and forced but polite understanding. Although the dinner included totally different personalities and people living different lives there was no clash but rather mutual understanding and respect. It was a great feeling to dive into that kind of uncommon to me and unknown reality.
On Sunday, the last day I got the chance to meet up with an old friend (a Moroccan guy I know from Rabat who lives now in Paris), then wander a bit around La Defense, have a drink at Carolina's and Philippe's friends' who just moved into a new loft outside Paris in Saint Denis and then spend some time just with her talking and catching up. Then, one metro, one train and another metro (two hours in total) later I was back in Brussels.
Another trip to Paris on the last weekend of March! :)
After our conversation I went straight to the website of TGV and tried to book the train for the evening. For some reason I could not do that. There was an error popping up when I wanted to get the ticket for the train that was leaving three hours later. I was furious. I found their call-centre number and dialed it immediately. As usual a machine answered the phone and after annoying seconds (seemingly ages) of pushing some random button numbers I managed to be put through to a human being. I explained her the problem and she said she would book it for me. I was expecting to pay for the ticket at the train station but she asked me to give her my credit card number. I did that. It only later occurred to me it was not very smart but there was no time to waste. Luckily for me, it was my Polish bank account and it is always almost empty. I rushed home, packed, had a shower and watched one episode of SATC (to calm myself down). I left home at around seven PM, took metro, took the train (only one hour and twenty-two minutes!), took another metro and voilà! - I was at my friends place. I could not imagine that it can be so fast, simple (and expensive). When I arrived I had a dinner with Carolina, her boyfriend Philippe, his family and some more friends. It was nice but also hard for me to follow all the conversations in French.
The next day we all went out for a dinner to some of their friends. It was an uncommon experience. The dinner was hosted by a forty-something, devoted Catholic woman who wanted to celebrate the first free choice in her life - being able to decide what to do with her professional life without considering what others think or suggest which had normally been the case. I was very surprised that that warm and pretty extrovert person took her first step being twice older than me. The other guests included a priest (a former architect), a painter and a gospel singer in one and some other decent Catholic people. The dinner included a few hilarious moments e.g. the priest asking the singer to sing a prayer song just before eating. She started but she forgot the lyrics in the middle so we did not finish that. There was also a lot of talk on different saints, canonizations and beatifications. I could not stop laughing when Carolina's atheist boyfriend Philippe was asked some question and not wanting to be rude he just started replying something with a face expression showing a mixture of confusions and forced but polite understanding. Although the dinner included totally different personalities and people living different lives there was no clash but rather mutual understanding and respect. It was a great feeling to dive into that kind of uncommon to me and unknown reality.
On Sunday, the last day I got the chance to meet up with an old friend (a Moroccan guy I know from Rabat who lives now in Paris), then wander a bit around La Defense, have a drink at Carolina's and Philippe's friends' who just moved into a new loft outside Paris in Saint Denis and then spend some time just with her talking and catching up. Then, one metro, one train and another metro (two hours in total) later I was back in Brussels.
Another trip to Paris on the last weekend of March! :)
Friday, February 6, 2009
changing vs. fighting
The challenges are a daily part of our lives. The problems show up and disappear. Sometimes they get settled themselves and sometimes we need to work hard to solve them. However, sometimes they are inseparable parts of our lives for a longer period. Sometimes they keep staying in our lives and no signs of them leaving us – problems inside the family, with a job or in a relationship. But what do we do then? Do we fight them? Do we try to improve the situation? Do we try to change the others? Do we try to change ourselves? Are we change-driven or are we resistant? I admire those people who embrace change and try to work things out themselves. They are not afraid of doing risky steps in order to achieve things and ameliorate their lives. I think that sooner or later they always succeed and get what they want. But there are different ways of implementing a change. We can fight strong to change something into a better thing or we can simply dispose of it from our lives. Both ways are surely better than doing nothing but which one of them is better when you compare them between themselves?
To make it clearer I will give you an example:
You are in a relationship - it is going very bad but there are some good aspects and days too.
You have a job that you do not necessarily like but has a lot of positive sides too.
How do you know when you should keep fighting for your relationship and struggle to start liking your job and when you should just give up your job or break up with your partner? When is the moment that there is no point in fighting and the only way you can win is by giving up? How can you see the boundary between the two? Is there any way you actually can know it?
I know it is good to change things in your life by removing them when you are not comfortable with them. But don't we go too far when disposing of them instead of trying to fight and change them for better? Isn't it like continuous running away instead of actually facing and challenging yourselves and the things we want to amend?
When should we stop struggling for things, get them over with and go for the new opportunities? Or when shouldn't we give them up but fight for them?
To make it clearer I will give you an example:
You are in a relationship - it is going very bad but there are some good aspects and days too.
You have a job that you do not necessarily like but has a lot of positive sides too.
How do you know when you should keep fighting for your relationship and struggle to start liking your job and when you should just give up your job or break up with your partner? When is the moment that there is no point in fighting and the only way you can win is by giving up? How can you see the boundary between the two? Is there any way you actually can know it?
I know it is good to change things in your life by removing them when you are not comfortable with them. But don't we go too far when disposing of them instead of trying to fight and change them for better? Isn't it like continuous running away instead of actually facing and challenging yourselves and the things we want to amend?
When should we stop struggling for things, get them over with and go for the new opportunities? Or when shouldn't we give them up but fight for them?
Thursday night fever
Thursday night out is almost like the Sunday service. You feel bad and disturbed when you miss it (well, at least I do!). That is the end of the similarities. When you go to the church you usually do not care at all which one to choose and if you go to any of them you will feel fulfilled. It is not the same with Thursday nights out. You have too many options to choose from and even if you decide on one you will always miss not going for another one. You do not have the feeling of fulfillment.
Havana – a standard Thursday evening / night. There is the ‘Happy hour’ until 8 PM, nice ambiance, good and cozy atmosphere and the fabulous expats all around you. I am lucky to be known by many members of the staff who are responsible for the Thursday after work concept there. Until some time ago they always asked to show the friend card once you are at the door in order to find your name on the guest list and make sure you are ‘a friend’. Some Thursday a few weeks ago I entered and was struggling to find my wallet in the pockets. Before I manage to get it I was already said ‘you are Kamil, right?’ And since then I have no problems with being ‘identified’ by the staff.
Last Thursday, we actually tried to have it all. Verena and I went out to Havana. The party was already starting to kick off and everything was as usual – good music, a mix of interesting people and nice atmosphere. Then Ronny showed up (our dear Ronny – a funny guy whose sense of humor makes me laugh to death). The three of us had a conversation with the manager of Havana after work concept. He was telling us a lot of plans and ideas of what kind of events to organize in order to attract people. Then Ronny shot ‘maybe think of something like the Eyes Wide Shut party?’ I burst with laughing. The manager did not get that. He is a nice guy but he just does not understand our sense of humor. A few weeks ago, a lot of people I know (including me) was invited to join a facebook group called ‘Eyes Wide Shut’. The mysterious creator of the group keeps sending messages about the upcoming party. If you do not understand what I mean, just watch the Kubrick’s movie.
After a while, we decided to break with tradition and tried going to Mirano – an old but still fancy, great and widely known club in Brussels – a kind of a club who plays being hard-to-get. Soon, we were at the door. Although the club did play hard to get, we managed to enter. One thing I love it for is the interior design and the configuration of all the rooms, bars, dancing places, staircases etc. It is pretty spacious, has a few bars in different places and several floors. It actually used to be a theater before. It is not as cozy as Havana though but has its own unique atmosphere that makes up for it. At some point we were dancing in the middle when I suddenly felt I was about to fall on a guy next to me. I managed not to lose the balance and then looked around to see whether people laughed at me or thought I was so drunk (and I wasn’t… that time). Everything around me was spinning so you might think that I was drunk. But what in fact happened was that suddenly the huge dance floor in the middle started spinning around. That is why I almost fell. The dance floor was a huge circle and it started moving. For most of the rest of the night we were literally spinning around on a literally spinning dance floor.
Last night, we also went out to Havana. Although Verena left Brussels for good last Sunday and moved to Maastricht, the Netherlands where she started her masters, she came back for this one Thursday night just to be in Havana. Yesterday, everyone was there – all of my fabulous friends and party-mates. While we were dancing to the music of the cool DJ and the twin brothers playing drums and sax I thought to myself – how many things about Brussels will I miss when I leave the city? Great people I have met, the places I have discovered, the conditions of my work here, the convenience of the life, the proximity of other European cities like Paris or London – quite a long list, isn’t it? Once I am gone from here will I start missing it as much as I miss Morocco? Will I be extremely nostalgic and wishing to be back as often as I can? Or most importantly – will I want to move back here?
There are many similarities between my life in the Kingdom of Morocco and in the Kingdom of Belgium. Both countries provided me with the great lives, some great places to go out, many great ways of spending my time but as well with the moments when I was pissed off, furious or simply cursed it and wanted to be far away. I am going to be the same person anywhere I will live. I will eventually meet the same kind of people and do the same things. I will enjoy it the same way and I will hate it the same way.
I start to think that it is not about Morocco or about Belgium or about any other place in the world – it is in fact about me.
Havana – a standard Thursday evening / night. There is the ‘Happy hour’ until 8 PM, nice ambiance, good and cozy atmosphere and the fabulous expats all around you. I am lucky to be known by many members of the staff who are responsible for the Thursday after work concept there. Until some time ago they always asked to show the friend card once you are at the door in order to find your name on the guest list and make sure you are ‘a friend’. Some Thursday a few weeks ago I entered and was struggling to find my wallet in the pockets. Before I manage to get it I was already said ‘you are Kamil, right?’ And since then I have no problems with being ‘identified’ by the staff.
Last Thursday, we actually tried to have it all. Verena and I went out to Havana. The party was already starting to kick off and everything was as usual – good music, a mix of interesting people and nice atmosphere. Then Ronny showed up (our dear Ronny – a funny guy whose sense of humor makes me laugh to death). The three of us had a conversation with the manager of Havana after work concept. He was telling us a lot of plans and ideas of what kind of events to organize in order to attract people. Then Ronny shot ‘maybe think of something like the Eyes Wide Shut party?’ I burst with laughing. The manager did not get that. He is a nice guy but he just does not understand our sense of humor. A few weeks ago, a lot of people I know (including me) was invited to join a facebook group called ‘Eyes Wide Shut’. The mysterious creator of the group keeps sending messages about the upcoming party. If you do not understand what I mean, just watch the Kubrick’s movie.
After a while, we decided to break with tradition and tried going to Mirano – an old but still fancy, great and widely known club in Brussels – a kind of a club who plays being hard-to-get. Soon, we were at the door. Although the club did play hard to get, we managed to enter. One thing I love it for is the interior design and the configuration of all the rooms, bars, dancing places, staircases etc. It is pretty spacious, has a few bars in different places and several floors. It actually used to be a theater before. It is not as cozy as Havana though but has its own unique atmosphere that makes up for it. At some point we were dancing in the middle when I suddenly felt I was about to fall on a guy next to me. I managed not to lose the balance and then looked around to see whether people laughed at me or thought I was so drunk (and I wasn’t… that time). Everything around me was spinning so you might think that I was drunk. But what in fact happened was that suddenly the huge dance floor in the middle started spinning around. That is why I almost fell. The dance floor was a huge circle and it started moving. For most of the rest of the night we were literally spinning around on a literally spinning dance floor.
Last night, we also went out to Havana. Although Verena left Brussels for good last Sunday and moved to Maastricht, the Netherlands where she started her masters, she came back for this one Thursday night just to be in Havana. Yesterday, everyone was there – all of my fabulous friends and party-mates. While we were dancing to the music of the cool DJ and the twin brothers playing drums and sax I thought to myself – how many things about Brussels will I miss when I leave the city? Great people I have met, the places I have discovered, the conditions of my work here, the convenience of the life, the proximity of other European cities like Paris or London – quite a long list, isn’t it? Once I am gone from here will I start missing it as much as I miss Morocco? Will I be extremely nostalgic and wishing to be back as often as I can? Or most importantly – will I want to move back here?
There are many similarities between my life in the Kingdom of Morocco and in the Kingdom of Belgium. Both countries provided me with the great lives, some great places to go out, many great ways of spending my time but as well with the moments when I was pissed off, furious or simply cursed it and wanted to be far away. I am going to be the same person anywhere I will live. I will eventually meet the same kind of people and do the same things. I will enjoy it the same way and I will hate it the same way.
I start to think that it is not about Morocco or about Belgium or about any other place in the world – it is in fact about me.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
traveling somewhere between 90s and 21st century
Last week I went to Poland. Of course there was some drama involved. This time not because of the sole fact of going to Poland but rather because of the reason of going there – my exams. Just a quick update – I am still technically a student in Poland and I should attend the classes of my fifth year but as you know I work in Belgium. By October, I had set all my exams and got all the necessary agreements enabling me to work abroad and study in Poland. Nevertheless, I had the same obligations like students in Poland – passing exams like everyone else (or even worse – passing some additional exams due to my permanent absence). Because of all of that I was pretty stressed before going to Poland and not sure whether I would pass them and whether the decision not to finish my studies in a ‘traditional’ way was right.
The fact of being a student in Poland and especially feeling like one right after arriving there made me feel as if I had travelled to the past. There were more signs of the past – being at home again and living with my parents, meeting up with some people deep, deep from my childhood or teenage hood or even traveling by bus from my home town to Sopot where I study. A few times I listened to people talking on the buses or trains and realized I lived and worked in a different reality and I had totally different values in my life – they were more into settling down, living in one place, doing the same job or not going out and socializing too often which was also the case for many of my friends back in Poland. I often noticed how frustrated they were with their jobs and they usually didn’t enjoy working with their colleagues. I would have serious troubles in readjusting to Polish reality if I had to move back to my country. This time I did not have any significant cultural shocks... or maybe I did? - isn't what I am describing above a cultural shock? For sure, I didn't feel annoyed because I had to stay there for one week only and I rather felt like a tourist than an inhabitant or a resident (in this case, feeling like a tourist was not that bad). I knew I would head back to my current life in Brussels within a few days. And so it happened. Before that, I passed my exams, I caught up with a lot of old friends (time goes by but people stay), spent some time with my family and due to the fact of staying at my parents’ place (and some other factors too) I even managed to save some money.
All in all, it was a bit stressful trip but all that I planned was achieved (including a bit of partying and meeting up with people). It was much more ‘peaceful’ trip than last summer and I was more reconciled with the country than the last time which was great. I am happy I had quite good relationship with Poland. And I think it is going to be even better once I am done with my uni for good and no trip will ever be associated with the scary vision of exams period.
And furthermore, who says that trips back to past are bad?!
The fact of being a student in Poland and especially feeling like one right after arriving there made me feel as if I had travelled to the past. There were more signs of the past – being at home again and living with my parents, meeting up with some people deep, deep from my childhood or teenage hood or even traveling by bus from my home town to Sopot where I study. A few times I listened to people talking on the buses or trains and realized I lived and worked in a different reality and I had totally different values in my life – they were more into settling down, living in one place, doing the same job or not going out and socializing too often which was also the case for many of my friends back in Poland. I often noticed how frustrated they were with their jobs and they usually didn’t enjoy working with their colleagues. I would have serious troubles in readjusting to Polish reality if I had to move back to my country. This time I did not have any significant cultural shocks... or maybe I did? - isn't what I am describing above a cultural shock? For sure, I didn't feel annoyed because I had to stay there for one week only and I rather felt like a tourist than an inhabitant or a resident (in this case, feeling like a tourist was not that bad). I knew I would head back to my current life in Brussels within a few days. And so it happened. Before that, I passed my exams, I caught up with a lot of old friends (time goes by but people stay), spent some time with my family and due to the fact of staying at my parents’ place (and some other factors too) I even managed to save some money.
All in all, it was a bit stressful trip but all that I planned was achieved (including a bit of partying and meeting up with people). It was much more ‘peaceful’ trip than last summer and I was more reconciled with the country than the last time which was great. I am happy I had quite good relationship with Poland. And I think it is going to be even better once I am done with my uni for good and no trip will ever be associated with the scary vision of exams period.
And furthermore, who says that trips back to past are bad?!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
what season is that?
Toto, I don't think we are in the good season anymore.
Yes, I have the feeling that good season got a bit swept away. At least for this few weeks of January. It should be back as soon as I [successfully] deal with my university (and I do hope it happens before 24 January and please, keep your fingers crossed for me). Bad mood, not so much socializing, the must of studying, a lot of confusions what to do with my work life...
Too many questions, too few answers...
Yesterday, I actually did go out with Verena. We went to this chic hotel for an event called 'Fashion and Cars'. As much as I like pretentious and arrogant people, this was way too much for me. It was too snobby. People posing to pics as if they were movie stars (maybe they were?), exorbitant prices (I called it 'unhappy hour' or 'miserable hour' when you pay for two and get one), bad service or no cloakroom (!). But the most obnoxious thing was when I saw this blond, silly-looking girl with a small dog (of the ratter breed) under her arm. She would not let the poor creature from her hands even for a while. She would walk around the place all the time with the dog. And the animal was dressed better than some of the people there.
The event was called 'Fashion and Cars' - there was no sign of cars there unfortunately. And the fashion show was highly disappointing too. Yes, there were some cute models and nice clothes. However, there was even no catwalk. The models were walking in a colouir/through the door from the lobby to the resto where most of the people were standing. The entrance was blocked by the show so other people found it hard to leave or get inside. However, some of them did that interrupting 'the show' and then you could not actually tell who was the model and who was not. Oh Brussels... sometimes so exciting but sometimes so embarassing...
Luckily, I was there with Verena and then our two party mates showed up. They are all smart and funny so we had a lot of laugh commenting on the event and making fun mixing it with sarcastic jokes. It was rather a comedy event that fashion and cars show.
At least there was fun. Because fun is important...
Yes, I have the feeling that good season got a bit swept away. At least for this few weeks of January. It should be back as soon as I [successfully] deal with my university (and I do hope it happens before 24 January and please, keep your fingers crossed for me). Bad mood, not so much socializing, the must of studying, a lot of confusions what to do with my work life...
Too many questions, too few answers...
Yesterday, I actually did go out with Verena. We went to this chic hotel for an event called 'Fashion and Cars'. As much as I like pretentious and arrogant people, this was way too much for me. It was too snobby. People posing to pics as if they were movie stars (maybe they were?), exorbitant prices (I called it 'unhappy hour' or 'miserable hour' when you pay for two and get one), bad service or no cloakroom (!). But the most obnoxious thing was when I saw this blond, silly-looking girl with a small dog (of the ratter breed) under her arm. She would not let the poor creature from her hands even for a while. She would walk around the place all the time with the dog. And the animal was dressed better than some of the people there.
The event was called 'Fashion and Cars' - there was no sign of cars there unfortunately. And the fashion show was highly disappointing too. Yes, there were some cute models and nice clothes. However, there was even no catwalk. The models were walking in a colouir/through the door from the lobby to the resto where most of the people were standing. The entrance was blocked by the show so other people found it hard to leave or get inside. However, some of them did that interrupting 'the show' and then you could not actually tell who was the model and who was not. Oh Brussels... sometimes so exciting but sometimes so embarassing...
Luckily, I was there with Verena and then our two party mates showed up. They are all smart and funny so we had a lot of laugh commenting on the event and making fun mixing it with sarcastic jokes. It was rather a comedy event that fashion and cars show.
At least there was fun. Because fun is important...
the law of 'disattraction'
Sorry, for not having been here recently. Just before Christmas I had Ludwika coming for 2 days from Spain and later my habibi came over to spend Christmas and New Year's Eve with me. It was a great period. 1.5 a week off, hanging out in Brussels, Bruges, Antwerp and a great 3-day-trip to Paris. Meeting up with some great friends, having dinners, joggings, great NY's Eve party. Simply amazing time.
And then New Year came and along with it habibi left, the atmosphere disappeared, my flat became very quiet, the amazing light and sound show from Grand Place in Brussels was finsihed, streets got empty and it all just got very sad and dissapointing. Does it always have to be like this in the first days of New Years? After all, it's a New Year and we all should start it positively with right approach and right feelings. Apparently, it does not work for me like this.
I believe the most crucial factor that influenced me and my bad mood in the first days of the year was the fact that I had to start studying for my exams. To those that forgot (including me I suppose) I am still a student even though I have a full time job in Brussels. I am on my fifth year. My thesis is already written but I just have to review and correct it and moreover I have some few exams to pass. The projected graduation date should be somewhere around June and please, kick me hard if it is not going to be the case. All of the sudden, after successful more than three months of explaining to all of my professors I would not be attending the classes and fixing the dates and conditions of my exams, I got scared. The last time I went to a class was in May 2007. And now after almost 2 years I need to write exams. I lost the habitude, I lost the feeling of being a student (had I ever had it before?) - I exchanged the current semester of studies into one week of exams preceded by just a few days of studying. I just want to get it over with. Rationally speaking (and this is also what everyone keeps telling me), I should not have any problems with my exams within these few days. So why do I get scared? Why did I panic? Why don't I want to go to Poland?
And we reach here another interesting point. Again, I am going to Poland (17-24 January 2009) in some weird and unpleasent circumstances. Not only my studies but also some weird situation with my family. It is the second time I go to Poland since I do not live there permanently and it is going to be bizarre again. Last time I went there, it was when I left Morocco and you all heard enough of that so I will not repeat it here. One more time, because of all those negative conditions I do not feel comfortable with going to my own country. I wish I could be after this trip now. I associate all my visits to Poland with dealing with this strange stuff and thus I keep atributing it to my country which does no good to my relationship with Poland.
I do not want to go there. Will I always feel like this? Or is it just now? Maybe once I am done with my studies I will be able to just go there, relax, catch up with family and friends? I do hope so.
They say that once you travel a lot abroad and then come back to country you should realize that there is no better place to live than your Motherland. Shame to admit but it was different for me. I had never before [consciously] found Poland ugly or unpleasent to live. I had never wanted to live abroad permanently. Just before I went to Morocco I initially planned to return to Poland and live there for good. Once I got outside the country I liked living abroad so much that I believe I will never feel like returning. And that is acceptable - but why do I have to dislike it so strongly? Because of all the negative aspects that I will have there soon or had when coming back from Morocco (dealing with studies after fabulous year of living abroad, some health problems I had, a death of a close member of family, living back with parents and having shitty and frustrating job, lack of international aspects etc)?
Or maybe - and even though it is hard to admit that I will do it - because there is not much things (and people?) there that I need to have in my life... at least on a regular basis. I hope it is not the right answer...
And then New Year came and along with it habibi left, the atmosphere disappeared, my flat became very quiet, the amazing light and sound show from Grand Place in Brussels was finsihed, streets got empty and it all just got very sad and dissapointing. Does it always have to be like this in the first days of New Years? After all, it's a New Year and we all should start it positively with right approach and right feelings. Apparently, it does not work for me like this.
I believe the most crucial factor that influenced me and my bad mood in the first days of the year was the fact that I had to start studying for my exams. To those that forgot (including me I suppose) I am still a student even though I have a full time job in Brussels. I am on my fifth year. My thesis is already written but I just have to review and correct it and moreover I have some few exams to pass. The projected graduation date should be somewhere around June and please, kick me hard if it is not going to be the case. All of the sudden, after successful more than three months of explaining to all of my professors I would not be attending the classes and fixing the dates and conditions of my exams, I got scared. The last time I went to a class was in May 2007. And now after almost 2 years I need to write exams. I lost the habitude, I lost the feeling of being a student (had I ever had it before?) - I exchanged the current semester of studies into one week of exams preceded by just a few days of studying. I just want to get it over with. Rationally speaking (and this is also what everyone keeps telling me), I should not have any problems with my exams within these few days. So why do I get scared? Why did I panic? Why don't I want to go to Poland?
And we reach here another interesting point. Again, I am going to Poland (17-24 January 2009) in some weird and unpleasent circumstances. Not only my studies but also some weird situation with my family. It is the second time I go to Poland since I do not live there permanently and it is going to be bizarre again. Last time I went there, it was when I left Morocco and you all heard enough of that so I will not repeat it here. One more time, because of all those negative conditions I do not feel comfortable with going to my own country. I wish I could be after this trip now. I associate all my visits to Poland with dealing with this strange stuff and thus I keep atributing it to my country which does no good to my relationship with Poland.
I do not want to go there. Will I always feel like this? Or is it just now? Maybe once I am done with my studies I will be able to just go there, relax, catch up with family and friends? I do hope so.
They say that once you travel a lot abroad and then come back to country you should realize that there is no better place to live than your Motherland. Shame to admit but it was different for me. I had never before [consciously] found Poland ugly or unpleasent to live. I had never wanted to live abroad permanently. Just before I went to Morocco I initially planned to return to Poland and live there for good. Once I got outside the country I liked living abroad so much that I believe I will never feel like returning. And that is acceptable - but why do I have to dislike it so strongly? Because of all the negative aspects that I will have there soon or had when coming back from Morocco (dealing with studies after fabulous year of living abroad, some health problems I had, a death of a close member of family, living back with parents and having shitty and frustrating job, lack of international aspects etc)?
Or maybe - and even though it is hard to admit that I will do it - because there is not much things (and people?) there that I need to have in my life... at least on a regular basis. I hope it is not the right answer...
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