what I really miss

You might be surprised after reading that but I did enjoy myself last Friday when I went out with my friends in Sopot. Yes, I'm admitting that I had a fabulous night in Poland.

Now, you should know what happened and what is more important which factors made me feel so great.

My Moroccan friend (Tima from AIESEC in Morocco working for Reuters in Gdynia; we met last June in Rabat and 2 months later she went on an internship to Poland) who lives in Poland invited me over to Gdynia (a city where I used to live for 1,5 year before going to Morocco) so that we could go to party in Sopot (one of the best city in Poland to party; the city where I study). We did some clubbing in Sopot partying in 69 and Mandarynka with her friends (from Portugal, Ecuador, Russia, Venezuela, China, South Africa/Poland, Finland and some more that I didn't even have chance to talk to). The music and the atmosphere were just fantastic.

I felt awesome. Why? Because for a while, I had the impression that I was back in Rabat. It was not the fact I was in Poland that made me feel so good. And it was not the fact that I was in the country of Morocco that I enjoyed partying there so much. To be honest, I never fully enjoyed a Moroccan party - a wedding, a baby party or a normal disco with Moroccan or Arabic music. A party only with Moroccans would not be a good idea either (although I miss Morocco a lot I still remember how not understanding Arabic and at the same time having to listen it pisses me off). I only enjoyed parties in Rabat because they were full of great and interesting people (mostly expats but always some very cool Moroccans too), good music and amazing atmosphere.

I may surprise you but there is not that much about the country itself (e.g. like Moroccan mentality of the majority, the working culture, the cuisine) that I really miss. When I say I really miss Morocco I rather mean my lifestyle there, the parties, the conversations and of course certain people.

I also didn't enjoy the Friday party because it had something to do with Poland. I didn't have a lot if anything. It just reminded me about the lifestyle I used to have and than I will hopefully have soon.

What I really miss are the things and people that type I can find in many places all over the world. Not only in Morocco. They are usually much more easy accessible to expats. And I'm not an expat in Poland so that's why I feel so happy abroad. The amount of unbelievable people I met or things I did when I was spending one year in Morocco is just so much bigger than here in Poland ever before during 23 years I had spent here. I want to live abroad not because Poland really sucks. It does suck but every single country sucks in its own way. Morocco was never perfect for me. And probably none of the places will ever be. However, I still think living abroad is more fun for me. Only because, I have some expectations that can be more easily fulfilled overseas.

This is so weird but when I'm abroad I love when I look like a local person but at the same time I love the fact that I am not local. And when these two things are combined it's just perfect.

I bitch a lot about Poland but what really annoys me is mostly generated inside me. It's the comparison of what I want and what I see around. It's extremely subjective (there are really few things that are objective). And that's funny but I always tend to blame the place where I am for my ups and downs. I would always say "I hate this country (speaking about Morocco) - wtf am I doing here?" or "I love Morocco - I am so lucky that I am in Morocco!" depending on my mood. I would always use the term "Morocco" when I was up and "this country" when I was down. I often laughed at myself saying that I wake up pissed off and go to bed happy. My mood was changing within one day from very sad to very happy.

I also express my highly negative feelings about my stay here because:
-I'm back in my hometown that I like when I'm not here or when I'm no longer than 2 days in a row; and I have to be here 10 weeks so don't expect me to be happy,
-I have a shitty job here for these few weeks,
-none of my friends is here,
-I'm broke so even traveling or partying elsewhere is not that easy,
-I need to write my thesis instead of doing something more exciting,
Well, you can say that I shouldn't have come here but done something else. I rethought it many times before and the result was: "Kamil, the best solution for your poor financial situation and your studies is to be here with your parents and spend your summer here." It's the kind of things that we know we will not enjoy but we feel we have to do and are smart or the best in this certain moment.

To be honest, I guess I luckily feel better than when I came back. I accepted (that's the best word) the fact that I'm here. But I'm so looking forward to being in Brussels and no question about it!

C'est la fucking vie or rather c'est le fucking moi! :)